Boring husband

[powow]

My DH has started WFH and ever since our lives have got so boring. He rarely leaves the house at all, ever, unless I egg him on. Our kids are seeing this. I’m so bored. We used to live in a fun city and be active. He used to have a busy job with lots of nights out that I’d get included in. Now there’s nothing. No date nights, no fun. I still go out and try to be as active as I can but it feels like our lives are incredibly unbalanced. I just want an active, energised, 50/50 partner. I don’t want to be the only one my kids see going out. He’s become a couch potato! Only interested in sitting indoors day after day playing computer games. Does anybody else have a WFH DH? Do they stay indoors day after day? How do you balance this up with being an active family? I don’t always want to be going out on my own! I feel like a single person within a lonely marriage! Please help!

No personal experience but my best friend went through similar with her DH. They didnt have kids. They came through it but it took about 18 months. He looks back now and realises that he fell into a bit of a rut/depression triggered by working alone all day within the same 4 walls. He used to be active and cycle to work and back, obviously interacted with people in the office etc and the new pattern meant he had no interaction other than online with anyone at all.

The thing that snapped him out of it was that they had work done on their house and no access to a shower or bath for a few weeks, so he had to go to the gym to use their facilities. He went nearly every day and as a result got into a habit and managed to find his motivation to jump back into real life.

Not sure how helpful this will be but it might give you an idea of what is going on under the surface and a bit of an angle to work on - could he go to a gym or for a walk/run/cycle on his lunch break and be encouraged to do so? Could you work two evening activities - walk, cycle with the kids, visit park, out for tea etc. into your family routine to try and encourage him. You could even sell it as a "new year, more commitment to family time" kind of thing? He may need some cajoling and a few weeks or more before he realises the benefits?

Sounds like he’s addicted if he’s refusing to leave the house over a game. Does he work? My DH plays COD a lot, but still makes time for me and the kids and goes out. Maybe suggest he stops playing so much? Keep it to a few hours a day when the kids are in bed?

I can empathise as we have been off work for two weeks over Xmas and all DP has done is do his hobbies of music production on computer and computer games (he cooks etc too). I dragged him out once and we had a nice time, but it's draining when he has no enthusiasm himself. Luckily I've got friends to see and stuff to do but it's still a bit soul destroying. Having said that, at least he is happy with his own company and doesn't need entertaining.

We both work from home regularly, my DH particularly, and it drives us mad if we haven’t left the house, even if it’s just to go to the shops, and we then make the most of our weekends. Our moods and energy levels are definitely affected when we haven’t left the house due to work, are you sure he isn’t depressed? It seems like a massive change for him if he’s gone from being active and sociable to now being holed up at home.

DH work from home and it suits him as he is an introvert with anxiety BUT even he gets cabin fever he pops out 2/3 lunchtimes per week with the dog to the post office or local charity shop/Spar.

He now wants to chat to me and the DC when we come home, plays footie twice a week and has a hobby that means probably up to 10 weekends or full days away in the year. At the weekends he always wants to go somewhere, not necessarily an evening thing but into town for a potter around the shops and take the dog out another time.

Your DH sounds game addicted and/or depressed.