Does anyone else want their ex back? What should I do? Please help

[justtheother]

So do I want my ex back?

In July last year my wife and I split amicably after a 20y marriage. We were childhood sweethearts.

We split because of her repeatedly cheating on me. For a long time she was seeing her boss at work and the other time she was seeing her best mates husband.

Since the split we tried to remain friends because we have two daughters aged 20 and 13.

We were texting regularly and spoke on the phone occasionally.

I have told her that I would love it if she came back, but she is being really hard to read. Sometimes I think she may consider giving it another go, but I also know she has been going on dates.

But I have been missing her really badly. My two therapist both tell me that I should just let her go. They tell me that I was treated really bad in the relationship and that I deserve to be happy. They tell me that I was being strung along in the relationship and that I would only be mistreated again if I go back. I am also told that I keep making excuses up for my ex wife cheating on me and there should be no excuse for being cheated on. The thing is, I understand why my ex felt the need to cheat. She was struggling with things and I think she was confused. I still think she loved me.....I think. And I also think she is a good person.

But here's the problem, I still miss her so much and would love to try to work our problems out.

But my therapists have told me to go no contact with her. They have said that I need to get over her and the way to do this is by going full no contact for the foreseeable future.

But this is heartbreaking.

Has anyone else gone no contact on an ex that they really miss? Should I be chasing someone who repeatedly cheated on me? Has anyone else had to end it with their partner for infidelity, but then still really misses that person?

Should I do what the therapists both tell me and go no contact to get over her?

I want my ex back. I miss him, I miss having him around, I miss the fun, companionship and affection. I miss the physical side. I miss that feeling of knowing that I was loved.

Unfortunately, the man I miss probably never existed, and was just what I believed at the time.

He cheated, he lied, he messed up my mind, or at least tried to. He was a nasty piece of work, who hid it well for a long time.

You move on OP. However hard it is.

Keep to no contact other than anything that concerns the children. Build up your own life.

so i got the opinion of a totally independent second highly qualified psychologist who told me the same thing.

Just think of the time and money you could have saved by simply asking us.

Just get out there - a bird watching club, jogging, etc. You are craving human contact and mistaking it for missing your horrid ex.

@SuspicionAintTheWay

That's really sad. I know exactly how you're feeling. You really think you know someone and how they feel about you

@MissConductUS

Turns out you were spot on. Seeing therapists is actually really expensive and in the end they actually haven't said much different from what people on here have said. Only difference is that they charged me hundreds for the privilege.

But they have helped i can't deny it

Moving on is hard. But you’re pining for something that wasn’t good for you. Probably because it’s all you’ve ever known and you’re thinking it wasnt too bad....

Sometimes it’s better with the devil you know. I don’t think this is one of those times. She didn’t love you in the way she should. She cheated because she wanted something else. She may well have been confused but had plenty of time to become unconfused and still chose to go.

She’s not the one. Move on. You don’t have to go dating yet, as it would be a rebound relationship, but you do need to have a life. Things to do that you enjoy. Gym, swim, cycling, hiking, diy, crafting, whatever you want that involves meeting up with other human beings like at a men’s shed, fitness club, church, craft club, whatever. Go out with your mates for snooker or a drink or whatever. Just live your life. Keep busy.

If you do enough you will not think about her as much and that’s the first step. If you sit about pining and doing nowt you will be stuck in a loop.

Many of us been there. It’s hard. You will be fine.

Hi I know this was posted a long time ago but I was just curious how things worked out for you . My situation is a little different after 20 years of marriage I have seperated as my husband was violent to me many times over the years I stayed as I loved him he was my first and only partner a year later I miss him so much everyone says to move on but it really is not that easy any advice appreciated.