Was he just stringing me along ?

[Trinity20]

He lives about 2 miles away and works as an 8-8 job most days, and does sport a couple of evenings per week after work. No kids or other commitments, weekends are completely free.
We were on and off before but ended up seeing him out one night, we got on well and started seeing each other again.
He said he was really busy for 2 weeks so didn't see him. We were then meant to meet one Sunday and when I asked him the time he said "Oh actually I was meant to go and see a car with my flatmate."
I said to him that I thought we were meeting and he said, "when i'm free, you're busy, when youre busy i'm free, that's the way it is."
I had actually asked him to come out that night but he said he was skint.

Anyway a week later we found an evening where he was free. He cancelled 30 minutes before saying that his flatmate's cousin had been severely injured and so he couldn't meet, which was understandable.

He said he would 'let me know when he was free'. I said I was free the following week and he said he didn't have any time and we would have to see.
I was getting a bit fed up as it had been 3 weeks. He got the hint from my message but then became cold.

The week after we had another conversation. Again he told me he was busy all week and weekend. I told him clearly and firmly that it had been a month now and that if he wasn't that interested it would be better to just leave things. He said I was being unreasonable and I said it was not at all unreasonable to want to see someone more than once per month, when they live 2 miles down the road and that if he wanted to date someone he had to put some effort in.

He got annoyed and insisted he did want to see me but was 'just busy'.
I eventually saw him one day for lunch. Then he left after an hour saying he had to go and do his washing plus he wanted to watch some sort of sports game on TV.

It's over now anyway. He told me that me and him would never work because 'I was getting annoyed about him being busy.'

He's not worth it really. I said to him if he lived far or had children and commitments I would understand but that he has to put some effort in.

Looking back i should have just stopped contacting him earlier on. Would you have accepted this ? Was I asking too much ?

He went and did his washing?! No, you were not asking too much, and yes, you should have let it go sooner.

I'm afraid he was not that keen. If someone would always rather do anything than see me, I woukd let them fade away.

I wish I could say I have always lived like that but it is clearly the ideal if you want to maintain your self respect.

Yeah. I thought i really liked him and looking back i'm embarrassed that I hung around for over a month. Lesson learned I suppose.

That's it. He always had plenty of time for everything else. He said he couldn't see me after work because of finishing at 8,yet he had the time to do sports.
He was sending me long messages and saying he wanted to see me when he could have just told me he wasnt into it6.

Too much chasing involved here I’m afraid. Walking away is def best. Onwards and upwards, OP! Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Yeah definitely. I can't believe I chased, but what hurts is that he said that I was the one in the wrong and that that's why he couldn't be serious with me because I didn't understand that he was busy.

Are you sure he's not already attached? Leaving a date early 'to do his washing'.... sounds a bit like he wasn't really feeling it and was hunting for an excuse. Likewise the 'flatmate's cousin's accident'.

Either not feeling it or worried that current girlfriend might wonder where he was...

Ew please get rid of him. I am sorry OP as harsh as this is, he isn’t interested.

You desert better than someone who leaves lunch after an hour to go wash up! You need a man not a little boy. Just delete his number and don’t bother messaging him/replying to him.

I'm pretty sure there is nobody else, so it was probably that he wasn't feeling it.
During the lunch anyway he spent the whole time making digs about me being a 'cheapskate' even though I was paying for his lunch.

Yes he was stringing you along. You were way down on his priorities. If he had absolutely nothing to do then he'd happily see/shag you rather than do nothing but other than that TV and washing were more important to him...
Either he'll meet someone and it changes or he'll meet someone that puts up with scraps but he was never going to change for you so that's all you need to know. Next time you'll not waste as much time hopefully... X

I don't get why they string you along when not interested. I guess any option is better than none for some, and they enjoy the attention. Yeah, definitely no going back with him.

What a prince! You’re well shot of him.

Yeah, that's it. He didn't like when I confronted him and tried to put the blame onto me. He's not a nice guy and I can do better. Next time I won't waste time chasing them, I will just walk away at rue first signs.

The first signs *

He sounds married to me.

Did you ever stay over at his or could go to his without tons of planning or excuses about his “flatmate”?

I completely get you.

I had a similar situation. I hadnt seen the guy for 5 weeks bar one occasion. And that one occasion he cut short as he ended up having to be somewhere. Whenever i tried to organise anything he would either ignore or id say lets meet this week and he'd say yes..id ask which day and he'd say 'i dont know' the whole week would then go by and nothing. Also on weekends he would say hes tied up with family. Personally, if im dating someone I like i would make the effort or at least explain without being flakey..in fact in over a year i had never cancelled on him once and always made effort to meet once every week or 2 weeks at least (if v.busy). I told him he didnt seem as interested in meeting as before and he blew up and even ended things. I actually just confirmed that he was speaking to someone else at the time and is now seeing them.

He doesnt sound interested.

Well he was a twat, wasn't he?

Next!

A lucky escape OP. Did you ever meet the "flatmate" or go to his place? A person who was interested in you would be eagerly talking about when you can next meet, and would be fitting in a date, however busy their schedule.

You've learned valuable things from this, so it hasn't been wasted time. I hope you soon find someone lovely.

Make sure you block him everywhere or he might come sniffing round when he wants another free meal, or there's nothing on tv

At least you only spent a month trying with the twat.

From reading that, I'm thinking he has partner and kids! An the 'flatmate" is actually the partner. You have given him enough of your time.

Please don't give him anymore of your time. You are worth more than that! Go an find someone you don't need to stress about. This is Alot starting out.

Thanks for the replies. I have been to his before and he's definitely not married, and the flatmate is just a flatmate.
That weekend when we started seeing each other again, I had seen him out and then we were messaging a lot.
He said he was meant to be going away that weekend but it was dependent on whether the flatmate was still up for it or not.
In the end they didn't go and he said he had no plans. I hinted that I was free then suddenly it changed to, "Oh I will have to see what i'm doing."
Then he ended up inviting me round last minute.
He was not interested but I guess for him I was better than nothing.
Next time I won't let someone tell me I am 'difficult' for wanting to see them more than 1 hour in a month, because i'll have already walked away before it gets to that stage.

He and his friends booked tickets for a concert I was already going to. When at the meal I suggested we could meet up there (I know his friends) and he just looked around and didn't say anything. I'm embarrassed I put up with that.

I know how you feel op. I was 'dating' someone a few years ago. We actually lived a bit further afield from each other. It was my first foray in the dating world really. I thought he was really nice, but he ended up calling me needy etc. And all because I wanted to see him once a fortnight! Really affected me, because I knew I wasn't. Some people are pigs.

Don't be embarrassed! I'm sure most of us here have had "omg what was I thinking! " times with men

Thank you, yes youre right. @ladylimpet he doesn't sound very nice either ! Yes I suppose we have all been there !