I think I’ve already made up my mind so I’m not sure why I’m actually posting really, maybe just for some advice or a kick up the ass.
I met a man on OLD in the middle of 2017. We hit it off instantly and chatted for weeks before actually meeting. When we did finally meet, we spoke for hours and there was obviously a mutual attraction. It was great and just so effortless. He was such a caring person. Took interest in me, my family, my job etc. I just always felt like I could be myself around him.
He made me laugh, made me feel special as well as (not sure if it’s relevant) making me feel so comfortable during sex. I’ve only had a few sexual partners over the years but he has been the only one who has made me feel sexy and given me the confidence to just not care. For example, I would never take my top off (really not happy with my stomach after gaining a significant amount of weight) in front of men until I met him. He never pressured me into doing anything I didn’t feel comfortable with which is something that I have unfortunately experienced with previous partners.
Due to the fact that we lived 200 miles apart and both worked full time with very long hours during the week it became extremely difficult for the relationship to progress. We tried our best to devote weekends to each other as well as trying to find time for our families and friends as well. It was really hard. Maybe we should have anticipated this when we first met but we both just never realised how difficult it would be.
We were on and off for around a year. Sometimes we would go weeks without speaking to each other as we would both come to a mutual agreement that we lived too far apart for the relationship to ever progress, but one of us would always come back to the other in the end. The last time this happened, he contacted me to say he missed me so much and that he always thought about me. We finally stopped speaking around 3 months ago and it has made me feel so shit. I miss him and spending time with him so much.
I keep looking at his whats app picture and it just makes me smile every time.
He doesn’t have Facebook or any social media (except whats app) which I think is a good thing really as otherwise I’d probably be looking at those as well which would drive me crazy. (I promise I’m not a stalker!). I’ve thought about reaching out and contacting him a couple of times but then I keep telling myself, “if he wanted to be with me, he would” and “if he wanted to talk to me, he would”. After all, he did contact me the last time so I know he’s capable of expressing his feelings when he wants to.
I also appreciate the fact that it’s been 3 months since we last spoke and he could of possibly met someone else by now. How stupid would I look if I contacted him to express my feelings and he was with someone else, I think that would make me feel even worse. It’s not that I’m in love with him, because I don’t even think we had time to get to that point in the relationship, but I just know I could of been. I keep thinking if we had lived closer to each other things would of been so much easier for us. The last time we spoke he told me if we lived closer to each other he would of spent every day with me if he could. It’s frustrating that that’s the one reason why things can’t work for us.
The last time we saw each other he came down and took me out for a lovely meal. We talked for hours and again it was just so effortless. We didn’t even have to try. We just picked up from where we’d left off. I decided to join OLD again a couple of days ago and I’ve had a few messages since. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with these men, it’s just that I compare them to him and then I’m not interested. I’ve decided to delete my account tonight as I’m obviously not ready to move on just yet (not that I’ll contact him either) it’s just that I don’t want to waste their time by pretending that I’m even remotely interested in speaking to them or even dating them.
I was single for quite a few years until I met him so it’s not that I need a man to be happy as I’m quite content with being on my own and I do enjoy my own company. It’s just that, I think I could of been really happy with him had the circumstances been different.
How do I move on from this? Is it just with time that I’ll learn to let go?
Thanks for listening!