Last straw?

[Oggden1]

For backgrohnd: been together nearly 4 years with a 17mth old baby, he has children from a previous relationship who he has 40%custody off.
Just before Christmas I was away, just me and baby as dp had to work. He had an accident and I was in a & e with him (he's fine now). I found out, as he left social media open, that he had invite a random woman to an event and to stay over in our home. It someone he vaguely knows. They declined the invite but he had deleted all previous messages and then deleted the chat once I was home (I confess I did check) . I asked him about the event and he failed to mention inviting this woman. I confronted him and said I was disappointed. He apologised and said it wasnt how it looked and they were struggling and he was being nice, I stressed the need for honestly as it looked ropey. But forgave it as I believed him.
Fast forward to nye, find out randomly he's run up newly 7k in debt on a credit card since last year. No reason eg just spent on eating out with his kids etc and fuel and Xmas presents etc. I'm so disappointed as I've been saving for us to have new sofas, fix the car and roof and he wasted a lot of money. He says it's his problem and didn't impact me as he will pay it back and sort it. I've helped him go through statements and the spending was on just random nonsense, which tbh is more infuriating as its just so unessisary and makes me wounder what he's spent his income on. Our bills are tiny as I own the house pre our relationship and have no mortgage.
I'm starting to have concerns now... About well him tbh but I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.

you spend alot of time being disappointed... when you should be asking him to LEAVE..... he's attempting but failing to be unfaithful and running up debts for thousands of pounds without your knowledge... WTF does he bring to the party OP ?

disappointed is an understatement surely

His income will be going on drugs, gambling or sex workers.

So he invited this woman to your home - was it at a time/date when you wouldn't be in?

He is very clear that it wasn't that and was insistent on it. I genuinely didnt think it was an attempt to be unfaithful, but with the debt thing I am really not sure....
Maybr I'm being nieve but I'm usually a cynic so that would be unusual for me.
He's a generlay kind and caring dad, and does a lot with our child.

Yes time date when I was away with our child.
Drugs would be only one that's a maybe other two defo no's.

OP you'd be way better off without him..

Not good that he invites a woman to spend the night in YOUR house while your away and tells you nothing about it.....seriously you should kick him out.....he is taking the piss

He invited a woman to stay in YOUR house that you own pre dating your relationship? What a tosser. I suggest leaving him. You arent married are you?

I wasn't impressed and he couldn't see why really asits a friend but I wouldn't dream of inviting someone without discussing it and telling him, regardless of the sex of them as its manners. Its my house but our home, so he can have friends to visit but he's never had this person over and I've never met them not even for a pint. So I find it strange.
The debt on top is concerning

From the tone of ur messages I think u know what u need to do, but just wanted reassurance that u were doing the right thing. The right thing is what will make u (and ur child) happy, healthy and safe in the long-term.

My only advice would be that children bounce back and will easily adjust to most situations. Likewise the younger they are the easier it is the accept new arrangements as they won't know any different as the grow up.

Good luck x

Thank you. I think that's the worry as he adores his dad and he is supportive regarding childcare etc. I don't know if I'd cope alone at all as I had pnd and am still getting support with this.

It's amazing what u can do when u put ur mind to it! Routine and planning will be ur friend and it will no doubt help with any anxiety u may have. Likewise make sure u get "me" time so u can recharge ur batteries.

If he's a good dad, he will stay a good dad despite any new living arrangements. If he makes life difficult, it probably proves the point.

Check out what extra money u may be entitled to and make sure u plan any exit before make any announcements. Also make sure u keep up with any PND appointments and talk to health specialists if u think u might need extra support.

I wouldn't be entitled to anything I'm afraid, as I earn over the thresholds. Although I might get some childcare vouchers.
I can cope financially but maybe not emotionally.
I have ongoing support and fortunately an amazingly supportive employer, who is very flexible (I'm eternally grateful for this)

The was caught trying to arrange another woman to stay in your house when you're away he then deleted the conversation and you dont think he was cheating! My friend got rid of her husband for similar things and he had over 10k debt drugs and likely paying sex workers. He was constantly cheating on her.

His reaction didn't indicate he was, honestly. I'm a proper cynic so unless he is a much better liar than I think then I'd be surprised. But it is a bit suspicious