I want to cry and scream!!!!!

[3gingerboys]

Feel so frustrated I could scream!!!!! Told husband a year ago I wanted to separate as had enough of emotional abuse, he'd totally killed any feelings due to his lack of support, cruelness and total lack of emotion/coldness during sex (but still pushed for it even though he knew I didn't want it). He has refused to move out even though I've offered him 50% of equity and he cannot afford to stay in the family home on his own. Been viewing houses even though it will be even more unsettling for the kids but everything is unsuitable or too expensive. Only got a small catchment area to stay close to schools. Our house was extended to make it 4 bedroom so the kids had their own space for as long as they want (who can afford to move out these days!) He's saying he won't move out and refuses to sign to acknowledge divorce papers. Going to have to get him personally served and then he'll arse about during the financial application no doubt, drag it out for as long as possible. How long will this hell go on for!!!!

I had to get mine personally served too as my exh was ignoring them. I thought he would never move out either but 15 long months after separating he finally went. I really feel for you - it's not an easy position to be in

Hi 3 ginger - sorry you are going through this. It’s tough. I’ve little advice, however I’ve assumed you have stopped cleaning and cooking for him and sleeping in the bed.
Yes you will need to get the papers served to him sadly.
It’s obviously more easy when they co-operate.
I have looked up any benefit entitlement you may get ie tax credits.
He will need to pay maintenance to your three children and depending on his income he may need to support you.
Have you seen a good solicitor? Get a recommendation if you can.
Have you got any real life support.
Do you have access to his finances\wage slips and savings. Gather as much as you can. Get the house valued.
You maybe able to stay in the house if your the primary carer but there is no gaurentees these days. A good solicitor will advice.
Google grey rock re communication with him.
There will be an end to this so manage it the best you can.

Hi both, thanks! I've seen a solicitor and am gathering info. There's not much apart from the house, no assets and a small pension each. Ive had the house valued and can get a mortgage to cover the balance and his share of the equity. I've always been the primary carer (he did sod all with the kids for years but of course now he's being a Disney dad) and I now work 32 hours in a good job. My eldest son is SEN so stability is important but he's 14 and knows things aren't good. The younger two have not been told anything, trying to avoid him using them to try and manipulate me. Just want some peace, to be a good mum and enjoy my kids without this horrific pressure and sense of dread everyone I come home. Sorry if that sounds dramatic but it's been a bloody long year with no end in sight 😭

You will get there in the end and it will be so worth it. Mine ignored for ages and could not believe that I would actually follow it through.Keep strong! And I had all the Disney dad shit- they are so predictable!

Can you mutually seperate but live together in same housae whilst you sell it? (People do) . Why doesn,t he want a divorce is it the divorce areement or the reasons given thats a problem? Could you go to mediation to help resolve some o the probs. (Not to save marriage but to iron out differences.)

Oh how frustrating for you ! My exh was like this he ignored every single letter from a solicitor in the end I had to give my solicitor a photo of him and a list of places where he would probably be so they could serve the papers on him direct . Took over 2 years. Stay strong and try not to get angry just keep thinking you will soon be rid of him.

We've done counselling and he's refused mediation, doesn't want to separate because after 20 years of shit he's nice now, so I should forgive him and love him again!!!! I don't think so! Am trying to hold it all in but it's getting harder by the day, thanks to those who have come through it, gives me hope 💐