Telling him its over

[Jadetreesbringluck]

Sorry for bad grammar & spelling I am typing on my phone & currently shaking.

Waiting for dh to come home. Hes dropping the kids to grans for a sleepover I have arranged so we have a chance to talk.

He knows its bad but i think he doesn't think its as serious as it is. I think its over. Long time unhappy, same scenarios over the past 11 yrs.

Hes not a bad man. There's no abuse or infidelity and he still loves me but im done. We are just not compatible. I feel he is holding me back. Im not sure if i am just projecting. We both have issues. He is struggling with depression on and off for years. I am too but i think its because im in a marriage i dont belong in. We have 2 children.

Im.so scared. I know I can manage on my own but I feel SO selfish. The kids will be devastated and this will break my dh. But i can no longer do this.

Really trying hard not to go get some wine. I feel like Simone has died im so upset but i cant talk to anyone in rl.

Hi all, honestly thanks so much for all your messages. Its been a hell of a few days - my eyelids are swollen from crying!!

I haven't given him my final decision but I think I will give it a few more months and see if he makes the effort in regards to his own health and the issues I have in regards to other issues. The way he has handled himself in this has been positive, he really is broken at the moment. I cant 100% say that even if he does make these improvements that I am going to stay for good - however I think it is prudent to let him try and get to a better place even so that he can better manage a breakup should it come to that.

Im very lucky in that there is no anger or threats or oppression - hes a kind man and is giving me my space so the kids are not in the middle of a war or anything!

Im 40 this year - I always though at 40 Id have my shit together - NOPE.

Hi @Jadetreesbringluck I just wanted to say I'm in a very similar position. To cut a long story short, we have been to counselling, had talks, and I just feel as if I am drained and can't continue. We have no relationship and honestly most of the time I feel like I'm his mother. I've told him I have no sexual feelings for him, and although he says he does feel that towards me, nine years without sex is a lot. He says he's so used to it now that it doesn't really matter to him any more and he is ok to be how we are. That's not enough for me. And I don't know how to make that clear without sounding selfish. I just can't face 40 years potentially of a joyless life. But like your partner, mine has problems with depression too, and slammed down a box of antidepressants on the kitchen bench the other night. I didn't really know how to respond. The main thing holding me back is that I don't want to hurt him. Although he's never done anything really bad, its a build up of things over the years which has made me realise I'm happier when he's not there. I just hope you find a way to make the break. I have so many friends who have had to do the same, and although it's been hard, and heartbreaking, they've come through it and been fine in the end, and are in fact so much happier now. Good luck x