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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was i too pushy

16 replies

Indie139 · 04/01/2020 13:39

I had been seeing a guy for over a year. In the beginning we would meet about twice a week and as he became busier it became once a week. We would also message every day. We went out for his birthday and then a week later he went on holiday for 1.5 weeks. When he came back, bar a few hours..it got to about 5 weeks that we hadnt seen eachtoher. I understood his parents were visiting from abroad (not staying with him) so he would spend time here and there with them on the weekend. During this time i would send suggestions of places to go (which we usually did), i would also ask if we could meet up even after work (we lived 30 mins apart). He would either ignore or say 'i dont know when im free'..i also sent an event which was ticketed, i asked him if he got a ticket and he said yes. I said why not let me know? As i wouldve needed to get a ticket too..he said 'lol i forgot'. Overall he just seemed a bit off. I told him i felt he was being offish and that he seemed so so about meeting up and why i felt that way.

He got angry, blew up and said i was complaining and thats all i do. I tried to explain but he wouldnt listen. He broke things off. Was i being too pushy? Or does it sound like theres more to it? Ive been kicking myself

OP posts:
tattiehat · 04/01/2020 13:42

I'm sorry to say that he's just not that into you!

I would just cut my losses and move on if I were you.

PicsInRed · 04/01/2020 13:44

You haven't done anything wrong.

My sense is that something happened on the holiday which caused him to stay away (probably hoping you would break up with him so he could stay the "good guy") and then eventually end it himself.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/01/2020 13:45

It's very, very clear that he's just not really interested or invested in you. Haven't you realised this? He's been pulling away for quite some time now. You can definitely do better than him.

sonjadog · 04/01/2020 13:51

No, you weren't too pushy. He was looking for a reason to break it off.

otterhound · 04/01/2020 14:46

Yep. He’s not interested and you have rightly forced the issue.

Time to move on

BumbleBeee69 · 04/01/2020 15:55

it really shouldn't be this hard OP.. if he wanted to see you more often, he'd have seen you ... he didn't want too.. sorry lovely Flowers

category12 · 04/01/2020 16:00

He's not interested but too much of a wuss or likes having you as an option, so hasn't ended it.

Dump him.

category12 · 04/01/2020 16:02

Oh sorry, misread.

But still stands, he'd lost interest and waiting for some sort of reason to break it off. Possibly seeing someone else.

Cream5 · 04/01/2020 16:19

Oh luv. I know youre thinking now youve caused this and pushed him, but that wasnt the issue. He was waiting for an excuse, or for you to get fed up and end it.

He just isnt that in to you, it was never going to work, he will he on to the next before you know it (If he isnt already).

Chalk it up to him being an arsehole and a coward. Next....! Flowers

Indie139 · 04/01/2020 16:21

While he was on holiday he was really talkative until the last few days where he barely said a word. I knew he wasnt super busy as he was constantly posting on social media. I jokingly said 'youve forgetten me, cant say hi anymore'. At the time he was fine and said sorry just at a party. We spoke normal but he later also used this as a reason for the break. He said that I was 'on his back' and that i shouldnt send messages like that when I know he was busy and was even getting me some stuff the day before (snacks to bring back) so why would i think he doesnt want to talk. I told him i didnt mean it badly or was complaining, i just said that cos I missed him. He wouldnt listen and guilt tripped me saying i was basically inconsiderate of his time with friends. Dramatic much?

And then he had a big important event, I asked him to send me pics. Later in the night he ignored a message i sent but put a pic and video on social media. I messaged to say i thought he would send pics, seemed he didnt want to talk and i was going bed (i admit i was sick and a little grumpy). Next day we were chatting normal i asked why he didnt send me pics and i wanted to see some (it was a big event for him and i was really interested) he said because i was being grumpy but then sent some later in the night. Everything was normal. However, he also used this as a reason a few weeks later for the break saying I was 'on his back'.

He has made me feel awful and said things such as 'he had no life' and 'i was paying too much attention to things'. We were generally fine and he made me feel like the worst person ever. He even said I was getting worse and that he 'cant change me'.

Ive literally just found out hes currently seeing someone. Her name popped up on his phone while we were together and the 1 occasion i briefly saw him when he returned from holiday. But i didnt question who it was. I also found out they went abroad for the weekend..something i had wanted to do with him for months. I am not surprised now. I was so upset when I found this out. I wouldnt care if they started speaking after but they were def speaking while we we together. I sent him a message saying I knew and it was messed up that he blamed me. He said the reason wasnt because he had someone else, it was my behaviour and how 'uncomfortable' I made him feel due to occasions above. I mean ffs i didnt do anything terrible!!! Anyway he blocked me and thats the end of it now. No longer feel bad. What an arse!!!!

OP posts:
Mintlegs · 04/01/2020 18:19

Good riddance to him! You are better off without him!

anotherdisaster · 04/01/2020 18:31

Complete arsehole OP. You have dodged a bullet big time. Good luck to his new girlfriend, she is going to need it.

Indie139 · 05/01/2020 06:25

Thanks guys. Definitely!!!

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 05/01/2020 07:28

He was seeing someone else but didn’t want to be the bad guy.

He was hoping you would end it and when you didn’t he jumped on a flimsy excuse to make you the bad guy.

His narrative for how it ended is important to him that he doesn’t want the truth to get in the way.

BumbleBeee69 · 05/01/2020 20:34

what a sneaky TOSSER .... you're well shot Lady Flowers

crestar · 05/01/2020 20:48

You were not being too pushy at all.

He doesn't deserve you and you're much better off without him

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