Second baby when already struggling?

[letloz]

Me and hubby have a 22 month old, and ideally were planning to start trying for #2, so the age gap isn't too big. However we're struggling as it is- she doesn't sleep very well, so we're constantly knackered, bickering about whose turn it is to help her in the night, take a day off work for her sickness, do the dishes etc etc. While I THINK we still love each other , that's just got buried under all the day to day tiredness and things we have to do. I'm worried that another pregnancy, let alone baby, will push us beyond what our relationship can handle. Any advice?!

Hi letloz maybe give it a bit longer as at 22 mouths old they change so much ie behaviour personalitie tantrums I had 5 children very close together and it puts so much pressure on you and dh my youngest is 5 weeks and I left it 4 and a half years before trying for her and her big brother who is nearly 6 loves her we involve him in helping with her believe me you will know when it's the right time xx ps I only have my 2 youngest at home as my older children are working and have children of there own

I’d wait as well until things are more stable, no point having another if it forces the end of the relationship.

A small age gap means more childcare costs and there’s in guarantee they will get on or be close just because they are similar ages.

I had a two year age gap. It did take it's toll on my relationship with DH. Mainly because I had to work part time in the evenings. But, I am glad we did have the close age gap because it didn't mean a return to the baby stage after a break from it. Now my youngest is 4, there is absolutely no way I could go back to having a newborn. I have an element of freedom again now. No more sleepless nights, nappies, prams, constantly being ill etc.

That being said, if you are bickering about all of this stuff now, what will realistically stop you from bickering about it when you have another baby in three years time? Do you think things will magically resolve themselves with a bit more sleep? You need to make sure you are talking, compromising and working together as a team before the rot sets in. It's been those things that have helped our relationship get better again.

I got a bit hung up on age gaps if I'm honest, had two under two and wanted the 3rd less than two years from the second. DC3 took longer and now there's a 3 and a half year gap. A lot easy than the smaller gap but I do understand why people leave 4 years. I think the gap unless huge is pretty irrelevant in adulthood so I'd focus on getting things more stable beforehand having another.