Handling guilt trips

[lowwintersun]

I've come to realise I've been guilt tripped by a relative my whole life. I understand why she does it but I can't seem to fully prevent my guilty response as it feels ingrained in me. The guilt trip centres around spending time with her and she uses things she feels she has done/does for you as leverage. She's not above implying/ saying you've made her ill. Almost everyone else has cut her off as a result. It's a massive pain in the arse.

How do you recognise guilt trips and manage them? Thanks.

Have you tried mindfulness? You can do something called a 'body scan' which is where you focus on the body and check in with yourself. We often don't know how we feel and react out of habit. If you actually check in with yourself, you'll feel tightening in the stomach, heart racing, palms sweating or other signs alerting you to the fact that you are reacting out of guilt.

Learn some stock phrases and practice them. 'I'll have to think about it.' for example. It gives you time to think about whether you want to do something and if not, 'I'm sorry but that doesn't work for me, I'm busy.' Is a perfectly polite way of not doing something.

You don't have to make excuses to people or justify yourself.

You've seen through her which is great, now perhaps learn some techniques so that it doesn't happen with others and you can better spot the signs.

Thanks. Yes I need a plan. Will check out the mindfulness.