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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like I want to live on my own and be single

6 replies

Walker1988 · 04/01/2020 00:32

New to this ....been with my husband now 14 years married for 5 years and 3 kids 8/7/4 boy and 2 girls I am 31 he’s 34 .. we both don’t work currently due to illnesses and feel like am absolutely sick of him been under my feet feel like he Always going on and on and on and just constantly pesters me for the fun he does tell me he loves me everyday and he’s a good man but lately I just can’t be bothered the house runs smoothly and peacefully when he’s not around but I just don’t no how to tell him I want to be alone with my kids ... feel like am
Stuck and a dernt speak how am feeling as I always just keep quite what should I do ? .. he mentions about he’s own place all the time and even then I don’t know how to say it ... i can’t be bothered in the bedroom anymore he comes up to bed at night and am like ffs go away I love him but don’t no if am in love help

OP posts:
Washedoutlady · 05/01/2020 18:33

It's probably because you are under each others feet. Try to do somethings on your own to get some space and see how that feels.

Walker1988 · 05/01/2020 19:19

Think am going to try that because I can’t take it any longer I just want some time alone ... when he goes out Anywhere I love it

OP posts:
Washedoutlady · 06/01/2020 05:02

Yes my now ex was off work for a whole year and it absolutely did my head in so much so I was going to leave him, thank God he got another job.

SeagullOnTheWind · 06/01/2020 05:22

I've always felt like this when I'm constantly with a partner.

Even if I worked I'd want time at home on my own sometimes. I find it easier to clean up the home and relax when everyone is out.

I'm a total bitch if my OH is here on break from work, or sick etc. The prospect of retirement scares me.

Annie2067 · 06/01/2020 14:28

I love these messages that you have gotten. I am about to go through seperation with my husband: after being his fulltime carer for 9 years and day in and day out and then I go to a friends he's calling and calling begging me to come home......

He is diagnosed with a mental illness and I KNOW that every day he wakes up terrified, I try and try to be compassionate...........anyway.
Here are some ideas that might assist or not:
WHY DONT YOU:
Start finding a place where you and your children can live alone.

Get on a really good budget ( hard, me and my husband on disability) and budget for a cleaner ? I pay someone $90 per month to get our place clean. It keeps things from falling apart too much.

Forget him: Get the kids on a timetable. Stick the timetable up on the living room wall something like : 7am wake up. 7.15am. breakfast 7,30 clothes on that is laid out the night before 8am: breakfast. and so on for the ways and then for the week. Make sure you hydrate well for you and the children and clock it in ( write when to drinnk water) and go on walks with you and the children or do to the park. Pininterest have some great timetables for the day.

EXAMPLE

8am-9am park time. Son one: makde sure there are drink bottles for everyone. daughter one, remember to pack hats for everyone.

9.15 am to 10.15am return home : rest and relax on the spongy chairs in the playroom.

10.15am to 10.30am SNACK TIME with the apples on the table in the kitchen.

I wonder if these will give you time to 'live your own life. Ignore him. Make sure that you put cooking times in your timetable and it may give both of you something to talk about ?

I'm going through my own dramas which are similar to yours. Please catch up about how your doing?
Our pastor of our church is coming over every day to see my husband but they are both behind ( pastor and his wife) my decision making .......it's very difficult though.
Ciao,

Walker1988 · 14/01/2020 17:51

I have thought about getting my own place and leaving this home here for him to live in so he can have the kids and he’s parents are over the road like 9 doors away ...I generally want to be on my own with my kids and been able to do what a want without somebody winging on about how av washed the pots or how av left the tidying up ect I want space but I don’t know how to tell
Him without upsetting him lol

OP posts:
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