It feels like forever I've been thinking about a divorce, at least monthly, more often then not weekly and sometimes daily I've thought about it for years and years. I've even left him 3 times and got back with him.
I don't hate him, he doesn't cheat, he's generous financially, he's great at helping with housework but he is so moody and stressy and bad tempered and I hate it.
The children (14, 9 & 5) don't like him as he so nowty with them, when I pull him on it he will be a bit jollier with them for a while but soon goes back to his miserable, moaning self.
I've been asking him to leave almost daily for the last month or two but he won't go. At the moment it feels like the thought of divorcing him or not divorcing him is on my mind again every minute of the day.
So, he'll do something like shout at one of the children and I'll think 'right that's it' but, then he won't be too bad for a while and I feel 'oh well it's not to bad' and 'he has a lot of good points' or 'the grass isn't always greener' it's like a constant never ending cycle in my head.
When the children aren't around he's fine, he just can't cope with the stress of them. The youngest has SEN, which I get can be stressful but you just have to deal with it. Therapeutic parenting is required to get the best from the youngest but DH is just not on board with this and is even more stressy with him than the others because he is such hard work.
I care for DH, we have a long history together and I can't imagine being with anyone else if we did split up but I dont want sex with him anymore (possibly my age/menopause) I don't want physical affection from him, we don't really communicate (he's doesn't talk about serious stuff just about work and TV programmes etc) and I'm also worried I've become immune to his moody, stressy ways and tolerate way more than I should.
I must just be a weak, soft person as I should have ended this years ago I suppose.