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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

For 25 years I've been thinking I should divorce him so what's stopping me!?!?

4 replies

RaisingH · 03/01/2020 22:59

It feels like forever I've been thinking about a divorce, at least monthly, more often then not weekly and sometimes daily I've thought about it for years and years. I've even left him 3 times and got back with him.

I don't hate him, he doesn't cheat, he's generous financially, he's great at helping with housework but he is so moody and stressy and bad tempered and I hate it.

The children (14, 9 & 5) don't like him as he so nowty with them, when I pull him on it he will be a bit jollier with them for a while but soon goes back to his miserable, moaning self.

I've been asking him to leave almost daily for the last month or two but he won't go. At the moment it feels like the thought of divorcing him or not divorcing him is on my mind again every minute of the day.

So, he'll do something like shout at one of the children and I'll think 'right that's it' but, then he won't be too bad for a while and I feel 'oh well it's not to bad' and 'he has a lot of good points' or 'the grass isn't always greener' it's like a constant never ending cycle in my head.

When the children aren't around he's fine, he just can't cope with the stress of them. The youngest has SEN, which I get can be stressful but you just have to deal with it. Therapeutic parenting is required to get the best from the youngest but DH is just not on board with this and is even more stressy with him than the others because he is such hard work.

I care for DH, we have a long history together and I can't imagine being with anyone else if we did split up but I dont want sex with him anymore (possibly my age/menopause) I don't want physical affection from him, we don't really communicate (he's doesn't talk about serious stuff just about work and TV programmes etc) and I'm also worried I've become immune to his moody, stressy ways and tolerate way more than I should.

I must just be a weak, soft person as I should have ended this years ago I suppose.

OP posts:
Jux · 04/01/2020 03:42

Well, maybe you should, but you didn't, so whatever is happening is the important thing. Try not to banker after what could\should or might have been. If you keep referring to the last you don't give yourself the opportunity to look to the future.

What do you want your life to be like next year? In 5 years? In 10?
Same with your children, how would you like their lives to be?

If you do leave him, how do you expect your life to go? And how do you think it will be if you stay?

It's never too late, as they say. They also say that you won't meet the right man while you stick with the wrong one.

Jux · 04/01/2020 03:46

Oh gosh, had typing!
...whatever is happening NOW...
...Try not to Hanker... (banker, ffs!)
...If you keep referring to the Past...

TigerDater · 04/01/2020 08:48

I’m thinking his stress etc is unlikely to get better as the DC get older. Why is he resisting advice on how to deal with the 5 year old? If you can’t see that changing then I think you have no choice but to cut him loose

category12 · 04/01/2020 08:55

If the dc don't like him, it's difficult to see what's holding you there.

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