Is my husband on adult dating sites?

[Bengal12]

Ok, so I snooped in my DH’s emails and in Junk I found (unopened) emails which seem to be spam from adult websites with links to member profiles. Mostly to xxxcupid.com.
Interestingly, worryingly the unsubscribe message includes DH’s name@xxxcupid
How do I check if he’s got a profile or account on these websites?

I get emails like that in my spam from saucy Samantha and names like that. I don't use dating sites or porn sites so no idea how I get them. If he's not opened them it's probably innocent.

I get junk mail like this all the time and never been on them.

I get them too, OP.

It doesn't sound like anything bad. Don't worry.

Recently emptied my junk folder so can't show you but I get all sorts of rubbish like this. Never makes it to my inbox and never gets opened.

Don't know how or why - my browsing history is clean and sites I visit are pretty ordinary ( no dating sites for example).

snoop again when you know he'll be away for a little while, open the emails, click on the link to take you to the website. Click on forgotten password, reset the password and get into his account on the cupid.com account.

When you get into the account check the sent emails and take screenshots of whatever you find.

If he's innocent then it's junk mail and be doesn't have an account or any recently sent messages.

So you have seen emails where he’s unsubscribed? Or it’s allowing you to unsubscribe?

I get these too OP.

Always in junk and they always usually have my email in the header I.e hello itcaneffom etc.

I get all kinds. No idea why.

All from "hot women". I'm straight 😂.

Just checked now and I have a fair from from DHL saying a parcel has been lost. I haven't ordered anything.

Also emails from say J Smith, someone I know. Opened it and it just a dodgy link. Several of these from several different names. All are names I know.

I wouldn't worry.

I also get lots of adult dating etc stuff in my junk folder with no idea how they get my email!

I get loads of these type of emails and I have never been on those sites.

They are just spam

Thank you all, I kind of veer towards ‘innocent’ as well. However, as he was unfaithful last year I’m still rebuilding my trust and things like this unnerve me, especially as they only started about a month ago (yes, I do checj his emails about once a week - once bitten...)
NurseButtercap, great idea with forgotten password, will definitely check to either put my mind at ease (or instruct a divorce lawyer).

Could you sign up to the site and search for him or get a mate to do so on your behalf?

HairystrungIt has crossed my mind and I almost did it yesterday. I got myself a new email address yesterday but when I went through all the steps on xxxCupid, it said just at the end that they’re experiencing problems with verification for gmail accounts! Hence the question here.
I will follow Nurse’s advice regarding resetting password. Just need to find the right moment. Hoping it’s all innocent spam as I do love him and we managed to reconcile. But if not then we’ve got a post nup which we put in place as his way of reassuring me he won’t ever cheat again. And it’s super favourable to me in the event of him being unfaithful- including setting up profiles on dating websites. Thank you everyone again. Will update!

Given he has form, I wouldn't rush to dismiss it as spam.

Have you considered that the damage done to your relationship by his cheating is too much, and that you might be better off calling it a day? It's no kind of life doubting and policing your partner, checking up on him - it makes you someone you don't want to be, and it doesn't protect you from it happening again.

Yes, I have considered leaving and have done a lot of counselling as well as thinking about what I want. And I’ve realised that on balance, I’m happier giving the relationship another chance. As much as I might resent his cheating, he is a very good husband and a great companion, perhaps slightly stupidinfantile for thinking he could pull the wool over my eyes - but not evil.
Surprised myself tbh but you never know what you will do unless you’re in the situation yourself.
So the dynamics of our relationship are different as the trust has been diminished but I am staying in for myself, not for the kids or because I could not afford to leave (I earn more than he does).
He did everything I asked for and I’m confident that he is repenting. We have great sex (again) and are able to talk about our feelings with greater openness and confidence than before. I know that the MN consensus is almost always LTB but every relationship is different and what works for one person would be unthinkable for another. And as weird as it may sound to someone, I am happy even if I don’t fully trust him. Because I know I’ve got options and what my plan is if he does cheat again. And that if I do separate, he will suffer both financially and emotionally whereas I will be happy anyway.

But going through his emails and torturing yourself wondering if he's using dating sites doesn't jive with "I am happy".

I'll just say, I'm not coming from a place of not having tried to make a relationship work after cheating. I stayed with my now-ex for several years after the first time. At one point I was even saying things like "we're stronger than ever". But he did it again and again in little ways (which were harder to deal with because is it a good enough reason to end it because he's on a dating site but says he was just curious or any one of the other excuses he used) and in big ways that I never could quite prove. When I finally let go of the relationship and kicked the fecker out, it was like a weight lifted and it was so so so good for my mental health. You don't realise how much mental energy it takes being suspicious and checking up and never ever being secure.

You'll do what you'll do, OP. But don't think it's a case of the MN consensus or whatever. I'm speaking from my own experience.

In light of your update I think it's even more important you find out the truth. The post nup could be a pair of blinkers. You will need documentary proof if you are going to action the post nup so proceed with caution and cover your tracks in every respect but especially tech wise.

he's a very good husband

Come on now OP...