Abusive relationship, need to know I'm not on my own

[LaurieSt]

Hi. I'm in an abusive marriage, I know that for certain, I just need to feel less alone tonight. My husband is controlling, demeaning and threatening, with occasional outburts of violence. He blames all of these on me like any abuser would.

We have two wonderful girls, not that he would notice. From morning to night I do everything for them (and him), and all he bothers with is watching sport while I get everyone ready in the morning, sort dinner and get everyone to bed at night. Yet everything I do is wrong according to him, he won't do a thing to help but constantly berates me for everything. I'm sick and tired of it, being called stupid, fat, dirty every single day. I'm sick of him refusing to do anything to get the girls ready in the morning so I don't even have time for a shower before work. I'm sick of him demanding I do everything for him and pay all the bills while he brags about how much money he has. I'm sick of cowering in fear that he's going to hit me again.

He refuses to listen to me, disrupts my routines so it's me that's late or has to run about for the girls. He isolates me and makes me feel worthless and makes me watch youtube videos so "he can teach me" about all the things I do "wrong". When I cry or get scared he explodes and tells me I'm scaring the girls and making him out to be a monster. When I try to speak up for myself he accuses me of abuse.

I'm tired of him and so lonely. I'm doing my best to save up secretly so I can get the girls away from him, but it takes time. I want to scream but he won't even let me do that, so I'm reaching out and hoping someone will tell me I'm not alone tonight.

Don't sign up for an app like that if there's even a remote possibility that your husband would see it. He's already violent to you, this would definitely exacerbate it. Can you call women's aid if you have any time alone? You need to get out safely

I know, and i'm worried about how it would make him react but also about when it comes to divorce could he claim i was having affairs? I'm just so desperately lonely this is how bad i've gotten

The first step is the hardest.

Call the police and tell them he punched you in [date] and that you’re scared he will hurt you again.

That first step will then lead you to all the other steps.

It’s as simple as picking up the phone and dialling 101. I’ve done it, OP. You can do it too.

Please tell your Dr what's going on as I am so, so concerned about you. You are not alone. Write it down and take it with you and let the Dr read it, if you can't get the words down.

Please don't sign up to Tinder or anything like that. It will just add to your stress and as the pp rightly pointed out, if you husband finds out he could get worse.

(I’m my case I dialled 999)

I know the Tinder thing would be a stupid decision. I know this is a sign I'm not doing well or happy.

What do you want OP? What do you want to do?

Can you write down what is happening and just pass it to the doctor in your appt ? This way you can get it all out and more likely to explain clearly? He sounds a monster, please seek help sooner than later 💐

Op I believe you - what a f...ing bastard. I really feel for you.
I would tell your gp and see if you need any anti depressants. They helped to lift my mood. You are low. Can you go off sick at all.
Try women’s aid - it’s confidential.
Be safe - delete any calls and be mindful of this thread.
I’m so angry for you.
🌺🌺 for you. X

Have you got friends or family you can go to OP? Are you working? Move up the timeline to leaving. GP appointment, documents hidden somewhere safe outside the home. Emergency numbers in your phone. Unfortunately your mental health is only likely to deteriorate the longer you stay. You'll be surprised how good you feel within days of putting distance between you and him. I'm hoping that you have family 300 miles from him.

If you go to the doctors, they can call women's aid for you whilst you are there. They can then make arrangements for you to slip out of a back door with them and they'll ensure you're safe and away from your husband. I worked in a Gp surgery last year which had a very diverse ethnic population, and quite often women were taken away through another door whilst their controlling husbands were sat in the waiting room. SS will then do the necessary with the children. I know it's scary, but I really do think it's necessary in your case. If you can, take a small bag with you, and your documents as it's highly likely you'll never step foot in your home again.

Stay strong OP

Please don't do anything like changing the locks or logging onto Tinder, you will put yourself in serious danger. Start your escape plan as PP have advised. I've been there, and with 3 children and no support, and yes it was hard but so worth it.

This is awful abuse OP, and I know the idea of going about leaving must seem overwhelming so maybe a step at a time? Speak to woman’s aid they will be great at explaining your options and things you can do to prepare. Sorry if I’ve missed this but is there anyone you can tak to, even about some of this in RL? Someone who can support you as you make a plan? X

Hi,

I know this is almost 4 years later but I am reading almost in the same boat.

OP whatever happened… I really hope wherever you are that you are happy.