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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Uncomfortable with female friend

5 replies

Busytizzy · 03/01/2020 19:13

I know this isn't a new topic here, but I'd love some opinions.

Been seeing a guy for 10 months now, both in our 30s, have said I love you, made plans for future etc.

A few months before I met him, he took on a new lodger. She moved out a couple of months later, as she'd bought a house nearby. She is in a long term relationship.

My issue is that I feel uncomfortable with how much he seems to like her. For context, he has a lot of female friends, and I don't get this feeling about any of them. He talks about her a lot, often when the two of us are somewhere he'll make a comment like 'oh, it's a shame she's not here as she knows a lot about this place/topic etc'. He has quite strong feelings about her boyfriend, and thinks she shouldn't be with him. When I watch him talk to her he seems so into what she's saying. I feel like he is a bit in awe of her.

There's just something about this all that makes me feel uneasy. I often wonder if she'd been single when they'd first met, would he have wanted a relationship with her, but I know that's just conjecture.

What I'm in a dilemma about is, should I talk to him about how I feel? I know if he said this about one of my male friends, I'd find it difficult. I don't want him to feel awkward about seeing her, or make things strained. On the other hand, if I don't say anything, I think it might keep eating me up inside.

I would so appreciate some outside opinions on this!

OP posts:
mamato3lads · 03/01/2020 19:44

Hmmm. Me, personally, I would trust my gut. You dont feel this way about his other female friends so it's not like you're being neurotic. You can sense hes got a crush on her. If you ask him he'll deny it so just keep an eye on him or perhaps the next time he brings her up use it as a cue to say "you mention such and such a hell of a lot, do you realise that?" .... and go from there. If it bothers you, you'll need to deal with it eventually

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2020 19:53

I'm gonna be honest here OP...

I always trust my instincts.. if something is making you feel off, then it's off.. I'm not suggesting a clandestine relationship or anything but if you think he's carrying 'emotions' for someone else.. then trust that feeling OP.. follow your gut.. Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 03/01/2020 19:54

mamato3lads

agreed

SuspicionAintTheWay · 03/01/2020 20:19

Trust your gut feeling.
Been there. She split up from her DP, my DP started chasing after her.
Denied everything. We split up in not a good way.

I'm not saying that would happen to you but you are not comfortable with the relationship.

RLEOM · 03/01/2020 22:35

Always go with your gut. I didn't and was made a fool out of twice (cheated on 2 occasions with 2 different female "friends").

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