Trigger warning childhood sexual abuse.

[Theodoreb]

He this post is for a friend for many years now she has had boyfriends and continued to sleep with the same man behind all of their backs well many years later she has finally decided to have a relationship with him. However we have been talking and she tells me he had sex (her words) when she was 8 and he was 18 she says she lost her virginity to him by choice (again her words).

I’m very concerned he has somehow damaged her mental health for her to feel this is acceptable and she does as I have tried over and over again to point out that the sex was no acceptable but she just won’t listen and seems completely unable to understand that what he did was wrong.

She won’t go anywhere without him and even though I’ve told her I don’t want my kids near him so can no longer see her as she is always with him. She keeps trying to change my mind trying to invite me over or asking if he can come on a night out when tbf I don’t want to be anywhere near the man. Another strange thing is this man keeps making sexual comments towards me when we are speaking on the phone and both have asked me if I would engage in sexual activities with them.Obviously my answer was no thank you.

However he also behaves weird towards me (only over phone I have never met him despite growing up in a small community with them as I was kept away from his family owing to being sexually abused on several occasions by his younger brother who is now dead from a drug od) but I went out nye and got quite a bit of attention and while I was talking on the phone to my friend about the guys who were flirting with me he kept interrupting to ask when I was coming over to see him and then proceeded to demand my friend tell me how sore she was after their sex the night before.

Today now while I thought he was sleeping I again tried to get her to understand that the underage sex was not acceptable however he heard the conversation and woke up grumpily. I just feel the grooming process that must of been carried out when she was young is still messing with her mind and she has something similar to Stockholm’s syndrome.

I will not go anywhere to visit her in person as he has to be there and I have no interest in speaking to him so I just phone my friend regularly to chat to her as I’m hoping one day she will realize what was done to her which she views as fine cus she consented and that on that day I will be there to help her through the emotions whatever they may be.

Don’t know what else I can do tbh just wanted to get it off my chest as I really don’t like it, she has no DC btw and is infertile.

I found this very difficult to understand but are you saying that this man has been having sex with your friend since she was 8 years old? That she has been having sex with him since then?

That you were sexually abused by his brother who is now dead?

You need to contact the police OP and tell them that this paedophile who may still be sexually abusing children, has groomed her from a young age and continues to have influence over her.

If you don't want to contact the police then perhaps contact Women's Aid for advice and support.

You could also try NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood):They support adults who have suffered any type of abuse in childhood. Confidential free support line 0808 801 0331 [email protected] napac.org.uk

Please keep away from this man OP. Your priority here is you as a survivor of sexual abuse. Please look into getting some support for yourself. You could try contacting Into the Light who offer counselling for those who have been sexually abused: www.intothelight.org.uk/

You can also contact the NSPCC for advice on where to go from here: [email protected] 0808 800 5000 They give advice and help to survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

A child of 8 cannot understand the implications of sex. It's impossible she was abused sexually abused emotionally abused and neglected by her perents. How did this happen to her? What was her perents like? I was sexually abused by my dad and step brother from the age of 6 when I started my peroids I was descusted they made me feel sick being in the same room with them I think personally and I do hope you get to read this before it get delitted. She is protecting a pedophile and what he did to her he will do it to another child. I know some women do protect pedophiles as they see it as their sexuality and we have to treat everyone the same in this country. Stay away! Delete their numbers and forget about them. That is what I've done with my family and my life is hard although I don't have adverse sexuality around me or my children.

I don't know what advice there is to give because it sounds like you already are dealing the best way possible.

How old is she now? Does she have children?

Not sure the police would do anything I've been there! You need so much proof. I've tried to get convictions for many years. If they are talking to each outher there is nothing you can do. As I have also been told that pedos are protected by law. I do not know how.

She has no DC and is infertile, and I do not go near the man I’ve never ever met him and refuse to do so. She hasn’t told me in mails that she had sex with him when she was 8 it was over the phone so I have no evidence to give to police and she will most certainly not make a statement as she can’t even understand what he has done was wrong when I try to explain it to her.

So police won’t do anything but phoning women’s aid is a great idea. I will certainly do that.

Her parents were and are brilliant and she was well cared for growing up as kid. She has excellent support. She does have a bad tendency to lie but as this is serious I haven’t entertained the idea that she may be lying as i know how it feels to be called a liar if you confide something like this and that person doesn’t believe you.

She is 34 now.

OP it sounds as though she's an attention seeker. Of course she knows that having sex with an 8 year old is wrong. She is 34 years old and I'm assuming, neurotypical, so she knows that having sex with a child is wrong!

Your sexual boundaries are skewed because of the abuse you suffered. This man demanding your friend tell you about them having sex is wrong. That is not normal behaviour between adults.

Please get away from them. Keep away from them and get support for yourself. She has supportive family so won't be by herself.

Get some help for yourself as you sound vulnerable.

Forget about her op. She isn't your friend. Sounds like she has mh issues bad ones at that. 12345kbm. WTF Are you on about? Your sexual boundaries are skewed? Op does need some kind of counciling although she is not talking about her self. She has opened up about the abuse she has suffered although her sexual boundaries are in tact as this seems to be a difficult issue for her.

I do disagree about her perents though. She wasn't looked after and she was nigleted. No matter how they come across. She wasn't spoken to about sex by her perents as if they did speak to her about it as a child she might of told them. It is sad but that's the truth. She is protecting a pedophile and that is dangerous.

I will cut contact as suggested as being honest I find it quite triggering to talk to her.

I have had lots of therapy as I am quite vulnerable I had specialist sexual abuse therapy from new pathways domestic violence therapy from dart ACAT therapy and psychotherapy. But I can be vulnerable as I have severe mental health problems and I see my psychiatrist once a month we decided on more frequent appointments with a psychiatrist as opposed to cpns or more therapy as my psychiatrist feels he can help me more than these other hcp given my problems.

I'm glad you're being supported and receiving regular care OP. Yes, I think the best thing to do for your mental health is to just keep away from her.

I have no idea why they are doing what they are doing but it sounds like it's having a detrimental affect on you and you need to look after yourself.

Please take care of yourself as you remain vulnerable and people will take advantage of that.

@Thatagain Survivors of sexual abuse tend to have skewed sexual boundaries in that, they are sometimes unaware of what is 'normal' because of the way they were treated as children. It's a problem because they can be easily sexually exploited and abused due to this. They are vulnerable to further sexual abuse.

That's 'WTF' I meant.

12345kbp. Part of what you say their is true. Although SKEWED? No not at all. Confused is what you ment I think.