Just need someone

[Lovemypeanutgirl]

Been with OH for 3 years. Always had problems from day 1 really. Doesn't like me talking to anyone else. Accused me of all sorts. I'd never do anything to hurt him. Arguments are getting more and more ridiculous. We have a baby. I don't go anywhere so can't be accused of cheating or talking to other men anymore so he has to find reasons to fall out. Pathetic ridiculous things. I'm constantly on egg shells. Scared of the next stupid thing he's going to start about. Northing violent or aggressive. Just hurtful. When things are good I'm so happy. I love him. Things are different now. I don't want my baby thinking it's normal behaviour. I just want everything to be good like I know it can be. I don't know what I'm expecting from this. I just feel so sad and lost

He has isolated you by using controlling behaviours. He won't change.

What so you think your options are?

Do you want your baby to grow up thinking that yes his/her dad's treatment of you as his/her mother is normal?. What do you want to teach your child about relationships?

What did YOU learn about relationships when you were growing up?. Is this what you envisaged for yourself?.

Abuse is not just physical in nature and you're describing a controlling and thus abusive relationship here. He is paranoid and verbally abusive towards you. Walking on eggshells is also known as living in fear. Like practically all abusers his nice/nasty cycle towards you is a continuous one (they are not all nasty all the time because if they were no-one would want to be with them).

Do you love him or are you confusing that with codependency; why are his needs seemingly more important than yours here?.

How can you be helped into leaving this man?. What is actively preventing you from leaving your abuser?.

Womens Aid are well worth contacting here on 0808 2000 247. Make that call and start rebuilding your lives without your abuser in it.

I know how good it can be. But I know it can't go on like this. Not now I have my baby. I know how a person should be treated and it isn't like this. I'm just finding it hard to let go

Letting go would be the biggest gift to yourself and your baby, that there is OP. He's abusive, so it's never good, just slightly less bad than unbearable and someone who abused you cannot truly love you. If you stay all that achieves is existing to keep someone happy that doesn't care about your happiness.

I would speak to womens aid or your GP even. If you want to leave but feel you can't perhaps you're stuck in a cycle of codependency.

It's pathetic that I don't want to hurt him. I know I can manage on my own. I wanted more for my baby. I'm so sad

Everything I own is here. I don't have anywhere to go. He won't go. We've been through this before

He is an abusive controller. He won't change and as you've learned even when you comply with his controlling demands he will just come up with new ones. It's not about the specifics, he get a kick out of dominating you. It will never get better, only worse, and the longer you stay with him the more he will wear down your self-esteem and rewrite your understanding of what normal looks like.
You need to realise that getting away from his is the only option you have for a good life. For your child as well as they will also become a victim of his controlling abuse in time.
Don't see problems with ending the relationship as blockers, just problems to be solved or consequences worth accepting. Speak to Womens Aid or other such organisations, look for support from family or friends if you can but make plans and get the hell away from him.

Do you have any family at all?
Anywhere?
I've no doubt he has isolated you from everyone but you need to reconnect.
Womens Aid can also help you with a safe exit plan.
Give them a call.
The number will not appear on your phone bill.
Take steps now to get away with your DC.
Try to remain the same until you get out.
It's the most dangerous time if he knows you are planning to leave.
Do it on the quiet and get out when you can.
Most leave with the clothes on their backs just to get out so be prepared to do just that!
Good luck.