Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help Me Get Rid Of This Man From My Life.

41 replies

Simply2020 · 03/01/2020 06:41

I met a man last year and even the first date was a disaster as he was so late and had to cancel. We met for dinner for the second date and it was good. However, after a few months of dating, I realised that he was unreliable, lying, disrespectful and emotionally unavailable. I ended the relationship but he continued contacting me for months. Even in the short time that I knew him he continuously asked me for money to book his flight ticket etc. I refused as I found the topic very uncomfortable.

I eventually agreed to meet up during the Christmas/New Year period. In the short time that we met, he managed to completely stressed me out - always on the phone, if not on the phone he was making jibes at me. We had some wine together and he later accused me of drinking too much and further accused me of bringing men to my house and told me that, "I should have self-respect..." I have not brought men to my house. New Year day he again accused me of having a man in my house.

This man has no respect whatsoever, he went through my stock, I sell online. When I asked him what he was looking for, he told me that he wanted something for 10 years old, his daughter. That's not all when we met, he told me that he has a 23 years old son, the next time we met he said, he has a 17 years daughter and this time around, he told me that he has 4 children.

On his way back, he asked me for £30, I gave him £20, by the time he arrived at his destination, he asked me to make a bank transfer for £100 because he wants to buy something in the supermarket, I refused. We are both in our 40s.

Yesterday, he has become distant, tried to ghost me - refused to talk. I have tried to block this man. Help me to get rid of this piece of shit from my life.

Please be gentle with me, I have not had energy after meeting this man - completely drained, low and depressed. Thank you!

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 03/01/2020 11:26

There was an interesting thread in here recently about "my boyfriend is a conman" a poster said... No self respecting man will ask you for money, not even a tenner. That says alot.

Thatagain · 03/01/2020 14:30

Listen to PINKBONBON. I would've said similar. Good luck op because narcissists know how they make you feel and they get energy from you. He will take and take untill you are empty.

Simply2020 · 03/01/2020 14:32

Thank you @Pinkbonbon, I have been reading about narcissist and energy vampire.

OP posts:
FruitcakeOfHate · 03/01/2020 16:54

WTAF?! Call the police if he turns up or contacts you again. And ffs, STOP dating or going on dating apps or having FA to do with men until you get some therapy.

Simply2020 · 03/01/2020 18:13

@FruitcakeOfHate, I am not on any dating websites or apps. I have deleted them nine months ago. I have not made contact with him, he was the man contacting me sometimes up to 30 times a day.

I made a huge mistake meeting him last week.

OP posts:
Simply2020 · 04/01/2020 09:40

I woke up this morning and discover that he has called me several times on my Samsung number but the calls were rejected. The calls on the iPhone are automatically rejected and do not show.

This has been my life for several months sometimes I do not hear from him for several weeks and then get texts with "I am coming to your house now."

I am tempted to text him giving him the last ultimatum before I go to the police. I just want him to stop contacting me completely.

What's now?

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 04/01/2020 09:49

Don't answer. If he turns up, don't open the door and tell him you're callin the police, actually do so if he doesn't leave immediately.

He's run out of money, that's all. He knows that you can be 'persuaded' into giving him more and he probably owes someone, so he's trying you.

DO NOT try to get 'the last word' or any ultimatums, there is nothing you can say to him that he won't take as 'ah, she's just playing hard to get, if I pop round I can talk her into giving me a few hundred quid'.

No contact at all is the only way. Be strong, you've got this.

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2020 09:53

He sees you have blocked him. It would be OK to briefly unblock and say 'never contact me again or I will call the police' then block straight away. Do not wait for a reply. Hopefully this will stop him showing up at your house.

If he does show up after this, 'I am calling the police if you don't leave immediately'. If he tries to argue 'I am calling the police now', if he still stays or ever comes back, just call them.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/01/2020 09:55

I agree with Pinkbonbon actually, on second thoughts. Just send him the message about contacting the police if he tries to get in touch again. And keep that message, also any threatening messages he may have sent you, to show the police, should you need to. So that they can see he was told, but is turning up anyway.

But hopefully he won't.

plumpmom · 04/01/2020 09:55

He sees you as a bank! When he runs out of money tries to get some from you. Don’t respond. Don’t answer the door. You could set-up a door security device so that you can see who is knocking. Look into getting one of those. How about a secure gate that he can’t get through?

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2020 09:56

I 100% agree with no contact. But this way he will know you mean business in that. Once they know you are bit scared to involve authorities they are more likely to leave you be. Don't get drawn into an argument or having the last word though. But because he knows where you live, I would tell him the police will be involved should he contact you further.

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2020 09:57

*not scared to

BrigidSt · 04/01/2020 09:58

Agree about sending the last message about going to the police, then do actually go to the police. He is harassing you, total conman, he never forgot his bank cards love, he's a liar and a thief. Tell the police.

TheFaerieQueene · 04/01/2020 10:01

I would consider getting a Ring doorbell that will record him and alert you if he comes to the front door. You haven’t seen the last of this bastard, I don’t think.

forumdonkey · 04/01/2020 10:06

I agree with one final text where there's no doubt telling him if he continues to harass you via text or turn up you will report him to the police

ElsieMc · 04/01/2020 10:11

Regarding harassment, my gs has suffered this for months. The Police were very poor indeed when we went to them after six solid months,including the person involved coming to my home and filming me through the door and window. We eventually made statements and heard nothing for 2 weeks. When I rang, they had done nothing.

Their excuse was that wires were crossed. What? They said my gs had failed to tell the family member to stop. So you need to make it very, very clear this is what you want. They also said the numerous texts when he promised to stop were not nasty enough. The complaint was of stalking as we were being followed and confronted several times a week. He was eventually warned off, they got an agreement from him not to keep turning up and told him we wanted no further contact. This has held for around six weeks.

I would pursue something along these lines op. Hopefully you will get a better officer than we did. Your only problem is that you met him again over Christmas. This man sounds scary and I think you may have trouble shaking him off. Please do take some action now.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread