Just told my partner I want to separate

[Choseausername6]

I’ve just told my partner of 15 years that I want to separate. I was expecting him to be angry but he just said he was expecting it. It’s taken me 3 years to pluck up the courage to tell him and now I’m not sure how I feel..apart from being very sad and terrified that I’m doing the wrong thing. He isn't abusive but he can be controlling about money and he has made it difficult for me to have any kind of social life by refusing to look after our Dcs so I can only do things if they come too. He has also been known to go in very long ‘huffs’ (weeks on end sometimes) if I have a night out or do something else he doesn’t approve of.
He isnt a bad person and although I know I don’t love him anymore I still I care a lot about him but I honestly don’t think he has any understanding of how hard it is for me to never have any control of my own life. When I tell him what he is doing he will say of course it’s fine to go out or spend money etc but then when it comes down to it he will be difficult and resentful about it.
I am not attracted to him anymore and don’t want to have sex with him. I was very physically attracted to him for the first 8 years of out relationship but all the silent treatment and resentment has completely destroyed any sexual feelings I had for him.
We have 3 Dcs and I am a full time student so not working and I have no ideas how or if I will be able to finish my degree now.
Sorry for this huge post if anyone had managed to read it, I just really needed to write this down somewhere incase I forgot why I was doing this I’m the first place.

Sorry, so many spelling mistakes 😐

he can be controlling about money and he has made it difficult for me to have any kind of social life by refusing to look after our Dcs so I can only do things if they come too.

OP is it practical for you to do the Freedom Programme? It's reading as if the information about financial coercion and how you can lose your social network by having your contacts restricted might be relevant to you.

When you've been sexually attracted to a partner it's hard to feel that when they become someone who acts like a child or is over-controlling.

It's horrible for you at present. The relationship that you describe doesn't sound sustainable.

I hope the next few days make your finances and other plans clearer.

Thank you, I will have a look at the freedom programme.

Good luck OP and well done for taking a step you have decided is right for you. This will be quite a year of transition and I am sure it will involve lots of growth.... the start of a new chapter....., I hope it all goes well for you!

You say he isn't abusive but then go on to list the multiple ways he is abusive.

You are doing the right thing leaving him.

OP I could have written this post. Our financial situation changed dramatically in the autumn which allowed me to buy a lovely house for me and the kids. We moved out 2 weeks ago. It's bliss and I am ridiculously happy and at peace with myself. Feel like I have my life back.
The break up was amicable. He continues to live in family home half a mile away. Kids see him every day.
Don't be scared you won't regret it. Sending hugs xx

Hugs

Months on you will wonder why you didn't do it earlier. I'm happier than I have been in 20 years. Take care

Hi op we are in a similar situation in that I’ve been unhappy for a few years with the father of my dd, we were in a relationship for almost 12 years until a few months ago until I met someone else and it made me realise just how unhappy I was.

I told him about the new man as I didn’t want to cheat on him and also because I’ve realised that even if it doesn’t work out then I have still made the right decision.
For various reasons, mostly financial, we are still living in the same house. It’s hard and he’s asked me over Christmas to give things another try but I know nothing will change.

If you want to message me at any time ( I have insomnia ) then please feel free to. It’s a hard situation to be in, especially with kids and I have an older one too, ds 16 who loves the bones of him despite being close to his biological dad.

The hardest part is saying it. You’ve done that. Finances etc can be worked out.

He sounds pretty abusive to me! Certainly wasn't making you happy. Well done for making the decision.

You say he isn't abusive but then go on to list the multiple ways he is abusive.

This ^

You are 100% doing the right thing, for both you and your DC.

Totally doing the right thing OP. As others have said he sounds mildly abusive. Good luck

The university does not want to see you fail or leave. Speak to the course leader and explain the situation. You could take a year out and return or they may have other ideas how you can continue. Best place to start is to speak with them.