I've given someone the worst advice, what do I do?

[Amberh9169]

I have a male friend from work, we've known each other for over 5 years.

Recently at our Xmas party we got very drunk and he confinded in me about his marriage. A couple of years ago before he found out his wife was talking sexually with other men online. He worked late some nights and on those days his wife would go online. He found out by chance reading one of her chat histories. She was chatting with lots of men, gaining pleasure and being 'very very easy'.

He asked her to explain her actions but she just turned the whole thing on him for checking up on her. Nothing more was said and hes tried to move on ever since.

He told me that they have an active sex life but not to this level, he would love to do this stuff but his wife wont go there with him like she did with these men. That's made him feel extremely low because he cant understand why.

Hes still hurting from it and he asked me what he should do. I stupidly told him that if it wasnt happening anymore and he loved her to stay with her. I was very drunk and wanted to try and help him move on. I feel I have said the wrong thing but how do I approach the subject? Do I just leave it?

Honestly pretend the conversation never happened.

Forget it. He is an adult and will make his own choices. You sound over-involved.

That's not the worst advice you could have given...

He was definitely making a pass at you and, even if his story is true, he doesn't need to take your advice.

I agree with PP that you should step away from this. If he approaches you again (sober) and restarts the conversation you could tell him you have had second thoughts but I doubt he will. He didn’t hear what he wanted to hear so he will leave it.

I wouldn’t ever worry too much about the advice you give people. Most people ignore advice. If what they decide to do coincides with what you’ve suggested that’s because that’s what they thought best. You aren’t the boss of them.

I agree with other posters here .This man is crossing a line and coming on to you Im afraid .He is drunk ,so are you so he is probably hoping you may take the bait !

He may or may not take your advice. He may not even remember it.

I had a work colleague, try to tell me stuff when she was extremely drunk and I was sober. She said it was very embarrassing for her and that she hoped it wouldnt affect our relationship in the future. I got the distinct impression she was trying to make a pass at me.
I told her that if she still felt the same way when she was sober I would listen to her then but wouldnt listen while she was pissed.
People lack judgement when they are drunk.

This reads like a porno fantasy typed with one hand to me.

Here come all of the posts where everyone says the guy was:
Trying it on
Trying to get sex

Of course he was trying to get sex. It would be hopelessly naive to conclude otherwise.

You played a blinder, OP. Well deflected.

But how dare.. how dare someone of the opposite sex ask for advice.

Why are you generalising that everyone on MN has the same opinion. No we don't! I wouldn't tell anyone either Male or female about marital issues, even if it's the done- thing nowadays to overshare.

Not everyone feels the need to have their dirty linen aired and shared.

@daisychain01

But it is the done thing.
Why assume that because he was over sharing he wants to get in her knickers. And I'm generalising because everyone on this post has said exactly that...

@MarieIVanArkleStinks
So if he was a bisexual woman.
Over sharing. Asking for relationship advice. Does that mean automatically trying to bed the OP.

Why is it we encourage men to speak up about mental health (and yes this includes marital issues!!), (and men notoriously find it hard to speak to other men so talking to a woman it is), but as soon as they do (again. Albeit drunk but.. loose lips and all that...) as soon as they do its

"Hold on OP... I know you've been friends or colleagues for 5 years.. and I know you've probably had this time of conversation with your female colleagues.. oversharing and all that.. but he's a guy.. he doesnt want your advice.. he wants to fuck you. Stay away from him"

Tar all men with the same brush shall we.

I'll tell you what. I won't argue any further.

You all have your experiences. I have mine. I've known men need to talk about relationships. Advice like the above. And haven't felt like they could. They've gone on to commit atrocious decisions that have affected a number of people around them (no not affairs!). One of them is still trying to deal with his issues a year later.

It's a shame that a lot of people on here would think if any of them decided to drunkenly confide in a woman that they would be trying to have sex with them. When from my point of view had they done that.. they may not be in the position they ended up in.
I can hand on heart say that none of them are interested in me.. I've known them as colleagues (not from outside work)...

We all have our experiences. It's a shame that a lot of people have experienced things that would make them so suspicious and cynical.

@TryingToBeBold don't worry about it.

The other day I got piled on for giving my childhood experience of something because it didn't match other people's opinions of a hypothetical situations.

People don't like it when you have an opinion based on experience and still try to convince you you're wrong because they'd rather bash the man involved than accept that maybe sometimes men are decent guys.

@GiveHerHellFromUs thank you!

Is there a mens mumsnet equivalent. Dads net?where all women get bashed for being suspicious uptight sceptical man bashers? I do hope so sometime.s.

Are you interested in him? Because I think the advice was right. Why do you suddenly think it was terrible and you should have told him to leave her? Do you want him?

@Whatisthisfuckery I mentioned that hours ago (and reported) but of course it’s nothing like the other 100 similar threads 😉

It wasn’t marital issues. He was telling op he wanted to try out some of the sexual things his wife was supposedly referring to with online men. Who talks like that with colleagues?

@80sstyle

Lots of people. You'd be surprised.

Well I have definitely had more male colleagues make a pass than genuinely want advice about their sexual relationship with their wife.

Thank you for all your comments. I can understand why everyone is saying about him making a pass at me. Honestly, on this occassion he wasn't, it just wasn't that situation.

I think his comments about wanting to have that level of fun with his wife were more a long the lines of why she wasn't coming to him and instead seeking this elsewhere, he was extremely low in himself.

Having said all that, most of you are right I am leaving it, he's a grown man and if this is still bothering him he needs to sort it out. Thank you all.