In laws are winding my OH up

[Topty]

Overheard nasty comments whilst OH was on phone to his mum . Recently had baby number four . My parents offered to take the older three to theirs for a few days when we bring the newborn home . We were glad for the help and have seen them everyday as they are local .

In laws , who are hours away , have been calling , asking where their grandchildren are , and are unhappy that they have gone to my parents for a few days .Told their son to bring them back home and not to let my parents ‘ keep us all apart ‘ WTF.

AIBU to feel very pissed off . And annoyed with OH for listening to this shit ( though he doesn’t act on it )

Oh dear. Grandparent rivalry I think - they are jealous that your parents get to spend more time with the grandchildren than they do.

Has he moved hours away from his parents to be with you and your family locally, or have his parents moved hours away from you all? If he has moved hours away from his parents to be with you then can kind of understand why they are upset a little, but they also need to understand that with 4 kids in tow it's near impossible to spend hours in the car to go see them and that they would need to come and see you

It's probably the least confrontational route to listen and go 'mm' but then ignore. As long as he doesn't act on it I would let it go.

So you will bring the new baby home and the siblings won’t be there for a few days?

I agree with the inlaws, the set up sounds weird, won’t they want to meet the baby?

Sorry I don’t think I’ve made myself clear . New baby is hard work and I haven’t been well . My parents live locally and my OH lives hours away from his parents ( his choice , didn’t want to move back there )

My parents offered to help us with the older ones who are very young so OH can focus on looking after me and baby . We have still seen our other children every day as my parents are local , I suppose they are trying to help out

It is very unusual for us to leave our children anywhere for any reason , this is a very rare occurrence

Actions speak louder than words.
Your husband has simply let them sound off, he's not acted on their thoughts but actually done quite the opposite.
Clearly his mind is else where - you and your children's happiness and welfare.
Both of you have made a sound decision to involve helpful and supportive relatives to be involved.
No, I wouldn't be pissed off, I'd just smile knowing he's still not acting on their b*tshit crazy opinions despite being as sleep deprived as you both are.

Should I confront them about their attitudes .

My parents are always desperately trying to make an effort with them and it’s really annoying because they are really two faced and are spiteful about them and I can’t get my parents to back off and see that they just aren’t interested . It’s soul destroying and been going on for years .

Ignore the whole lot. Enjoy your new baby and your parents sound wonderful. Let me just say, I’d be over the moon If I had 2 sets of grandparents fighting over having my kids, I can’t even get mine to have them for an hour half the time.

However I don’t agree with what they’re saying re keeping you apart . You need to be looked after not looking after 3 young children & a baby whilst you’ve just come out of hospital. You’ve got a perfect set up. Please stop stressing and make the most of the ‘quiet’

Maybe they're concerned that the other children might feel pushed out in favour of the baby? If thay are, they have a point, to be honest. I wouldn't do it, as it could be a catalyst for jealousy of the baby.

Congratulations on your baby

Tbh I would never sent my kids away for days on end whilst I had a newborn it doesnt send the right message to the dc so I do think they have point. You only heard half a conversation after you're 4th 3th or even 2nd you just get on with and look after Baby and existing dc.

I think what you are doing is fine. Ignore everyone saying they wouldn’t send the other children away as it’s going to cause problems. Rubbish. Other kids will be fine. You convention getting better and having a quiet time with you, DH and the baby. As to your PIL, your DH needs to stand up to them and put them in line. Otherwise it will never stop.

If your not well your husband should be looking after you and his four children, not just one of them.

When he goes back to work I assume you will have to look after 4 children?

It’s not the end of the world, I just think it’s odd to send the other 3 away, like there some sort of inconvenience now a baby is here.

It’s great you have child care support though, but surly it would be better for them to come to your home and help you all out, not separate the family, your in-laws have a small point, but like I said, not the end of the world.

Will I ever be able to confront my in laws and stop this negative behaviour ? Do most of you have similar issues ?

I think your OH should have told his parents that yours are helping out because you aren't well....but he like many others CBA and just ignores them.

I think I would drop in conversation to your inlaws that you haven't been so well and having your parents so close to help with the others has been given you a break.

They can like it or lump it...but don't do it in a confrontational way.

Tell your parents the inlaws are a bit snooty and they should stop bothering to be friendly with them. Just pleasant and civil.

I had to tell my DM this, but in relations to Dsis's MIL...who can be a right PITA. I told my DM to stop bothering with her as she could be so snooty and unfriendly.

The problem was my DM was getting annoyed and wanted to complain to BIL...I thought that would just cause trouble...so I got her to ignore Dsis MILS behaviour for the sake of Dsis.

Don’t be ridiculous Gogreen. It sounds like this couple have decided what is best for the whole family, at the minute and having the three children stay with the GPS means he can concentrate on his wife and baby. What happens when he goes back to work is a completely different issue.

I agree with the inlaws, the set up sounds weird, won’t they want to meet the baby?

You know everything about this family do you? Seriously who cares what you think and who cares what the in laws think.

The parents are happy to have grandparents living nearby mind the 3 young children so a mother can recover from a birth. Who said they won't meet the baby???

Amazing that anyone would stick their oar into this. Possibly understandable from other grandparents (still not their concern) but from a randomer on the web....

@Topty ignore the in-laws, but if you must engage...actually just ignore them.

And ignore the idiots on here blasting you for ‘sending your kids away’. Clearly they have no concept of close family helping out when needed.