Leaving DH who has nobody

[chipstickgirl]

After 25 years together I need to end my marriage. I'm so unhappy and lonely and I know that I deserve better than the life I currently have.

Part of the reason I've had enough is my husbands passive aggressive behaviours and his complete inability to communicate in an adult way - this has clearly had an impact on all his relationships as he has absolutely nobody. He has parents and a brother but they rarely talk and just meet up a few times each year. He hasn't a single friend and work colleagues are purely colleagues not friends. I am literally all he has but now I feel completely trapped - how can I leave him with no one?

Has anybody else had this type of situation?

He has no one because he's not a nice person.

That's not your problem!

You have every right to leave him and be happy

He’s an adult

You can leave him with no one

You aren't leaving him with no-one; he is leaving him with no-one.

Don't steal his rock bottom. As long as you are there, he's got no reason to look at his shit.

“ Don't steal his rock bottom”

A new phrase to me!

OP, you might be surprised how fast he finds a replacement.

Also, why are you worried? Do you think his family won’t help, if for example, he’s very ill in hospital?

A new phrase to me!

Given to me by a wonderful recovering crack addict. His theory was that we enable people around us constantly and therefore harm them.

OP what is the worst that might happen?

I’m in the same boat, currently separating from my husband who also has nobody, apart from parents, sibling and our children. He sees his parents and siblings about 3 times per year and has no friends. I often wonder if this is why he’s struggled in our marriage as he just likes his own company.
You have to do what’s best for you.

Thank you for all your lovely replies - I just feel totally crap.

@AutumnRose1 I know that I'm a natural people pleaser and as stupid as it sounds I just feel mean doing it to him. I have moments when I think I deserve to be happy but then other moments when I worry about the impact on him.

Honestly if he came home and told me he was having an affair / had met somebody I would be overjoyed as at least I would know he had somebody.

I need to give myself a good talking too don't I!!

*He has no one because he's not a nice person.

That's not your problem!

You have every right to leave him and be happy*

This with bells on it

I did this OP and it gave him the wake call he needed. He now has friends and a social life.
Lots of love to you. It's not easy but be strong

I think he'll be fine. Most men, even those apparently completely lacking in social skills, know how to look after themselves in these situations and you might be surprised at how quickly he finds someone new.

Maybe he is perfectly happy with no friends?

If he isn’t he can fix that. There are so many ways to connect online etc. I wouldn’t worry a bit about him - doesn’t sound like he gives a shiny shit about you.

I want to leave my H after 33 years and he has no one apart from me, our two DC and his one sibling who sees him once a year. Although he does have friends he only talks to them online as they are often VERY busy if he suggests meeting up. He also goes to a social club once a week.

The difference (I think?) for me is that H blames having no one on me. Its my fault. Its very important to him that its my fault and that's one of the things I've always found very scary about him to be honest - he is determined to be unhappy and determined to blame me - do you get what I mean? Anyway I am waiting for an operation and then hoping my health issues can be resolved, which will allow me to tell him I want to sell the house.

@chipstickgirl even my DCs say they wish he would meet someone and leave us alone.

@DishingOutDone children are so intuitive aren't they. My son said to me recently that he and I could get a two up / two down and that we'd be fine; just leave him mum was his exact words 🙈. However I know it's easy to say it until the reality takes hold.

I think you'll be surprised. At the moment he has no reason to be agreeable or make an effort with people.

You walk away, and I bet you good money he'll have another woman in short order - he'll make the effort long enough to hook someone in.

You are all so right, thank you for responding I think I just needed some words of reassurance that I'm not the 'baddie' here.

You arent the baddie. He may prefer his own company, some people do! You can’t judge what he wants by your own standards if he is different to you, as it seems he is.

The other way to look at it is that it could force him out of his shell to join a club or hobby which he would meet people at. And be happy.

You do what you need to do to make yourself happy. His choices are his responsibility, not yours. He will make choices to make himself happy. Even your dc knows what you need. Leave him respectfully and be fair. And walk away with your head held high and embrace your new life.

My goodness, read this, this evening and thought .. my god. I’m in exact same position except my partner has NO job, NO money, NO family - nothing!

When I met him he had a company car, worked in sales on a good wage and now he has nothing.

I fell out of love with him 12 months ago. He was temping for a short while with me as an administrator. He had a new job which lasted for 3 months before company went bust.

He can’t claim beneyas they say I earn too much.

I just want my life back and him to leave. I no longer feel sad for him.

*claim benefits

I can't totally relate to this post too 🥺

I am currently trying to tell him I want to leave, but he keeps telling me he can't live without me, can we try, can we talk...it exhausting.

I have completely fallen out of love with him. He says I have been unfair by not telling him and letting him "fix" things, be a better person. Says I am his entire world, so why should I need to keep telling him tk change???

No I feel like the worst person in the world for wanting to be happy 😔😔

I left my DH nearly 6 weeks ago after 20 years together and gone through all this and more... so when he says that he can change back to his old self, will take responsibility around the house, will not be nasty with phone calls and texts when he's feeling insecure after a drink - nights of texts, WhatsApp messages, abusive phone calls and threats to contact my work - I know I have so made the right discussion. stay strong.

Honestly, the most unattractive, selfish person can find a partner surprisingly quickly. I wouldn't assume he will be on his own for too long.
Don't let DS be your support as that isn't his job.