'Not sure what he wants'

[Neverlovedya]

When men say "i'm not ready for a relationship' or '" I don't know what I want", isn't that just code for "I don't like you enough to want to be with you ?".

It's just happened to my friend, he suddenly went very distant, she confronted him and he told her "i'm not sure what I want right now, it's a shame though because I like you a lot."

If he likes her a lot, why can't he be with her ?

It's happened to me and others countless times. Girl meets guy, guy seems very keen, it all goes well, they date a little, sleep together then guy suddenly goes very distant. Girl freaks out and confronts him and he tells her (usually by text).
Not sure why it's so common ?

Because he isn’t that into her, unfortunately.

That's what I think sadly. Luckily she's not taken it too badly, I honestly really don't like it as an excuse because I think it gives the person false hope that the dumpee 'may be ready' a bit later on and just needs time.

How long had they been seeing eachother? As PP said, sounds like he wasnt that into her.

Not long, only about a month. He had come out of a 6 year relationship a month before that. Yeah, sadly I just can't imagine really liking somebody and being happy to just let them go.

Likes her a lot, but not enough to waste any more of his time on her!

Usually happens after sex because the person who pulled back didnt like the sex that much, didnt feel the chemistry. But it's very cruel to say that, so folk just make an excuse.

It's no ones fault, just a symptom of a culture where anything to do with sex is fraught with shame and blame.

Exactly. It's a bit of a cop out excuse but she says she's OK about it. A guy did this to me about a year ago, but looking back it was just another cop out.

Exactly, I get that people don't want to be blunt and say hurtful stuff, but it is a very lame excuse.

I read a few threads on MN like this, it's usual for the situation to deteriorate after a month or so once they have had sex. Perhaps I'm being quite cynical, but maybe give the relationship more time to develop?

Yeah it really seems to be common. It's a shame it happened, it was just that he suddenly became very distant and understandably it made her panic and ask what was up.

What other excuse would be better?

Because men are cowardly bastards who can’t be honest and say they want a shag

Let me translate.

He means i dont want a commited relationship with her ever and i never will do, but ill keep her around if she'll tolerate that well, ive been honest so im not doing anything wrong. Im a bit of a hero really. Im the prize.

Yeah, pretty much. I don't think excuses are necessary, just say I don't feel that way about you, worry.
He said to her "I don't expect you to wait for me." ah, what a gent.

I don't feel that way about you, worry. yeah, then he gets called a user who was only after sex.

Saying "you're lovely / i like you but I'm not ready" is a way better excuse in terms of protecting the feelings of all involved.

I guess so. Ah well.