Ex DH ranting at DC during contact..

[Winona45]

Been separated since July after 25 years. I instigated it as DH became more toxic.
He hasn't taken it well and is abusive and threatening by texts regularly to me and slags me off to the dc.
He hasn't seen the DC for nearly 7 weeks despite me trying to instigate it.
Today is his birthday. Eldest dc text repeatedly last night trying to arrange a visit for today.
EXdh says he is very ill, sad alone etc. Might need a hospital visit. Would like to see them but can't possibly drive. This is all usual, he's always ill, he's always suffering, he hasn't worked for 15 years and is dependent on weed.
A relative offers to take them for an hour.

So today they have got there, he is furious they are only staying for an hour, they actually stayed 2 , and spent the whole time slagging me off and telling the 8 year old he would soon have to decide who to live with as he intends applying for custody!!!

Eldest dc is disgusted, wants nothing to do with him, middle dc feels sorry for him and my 8 year old is bewildered.
I feel like never letting them round there again.
I cannot not win job matter how I try and facilitate for him. He is spiteful and bitter about me to them and I don't know how to stop it.

I feel like never letting them round there again

Well, that would be a good start towards protecting them from further abuse at his hands.

Don't try...... he needs to try - the chances of him doing anything is non existant... just ignore him ....
I would make sure he cannot contact DC except through you though.....
you only have to make dc available for contact f there is an agreement so tell him to go to court.....

was he smoking weed around them before you split up - as that weakens your ability to use that as a reason for them not to see him... but you can say that..

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Well, while I’m not usually an advocate of stopping the kids seeing one parent or another, given he hasn’t actually made the effort I would just not bother suggesting it. I would facilitate if the kids want to see him, but otherwise I would just let it be. If he wants contact then he can approach you for it, and if he does then deal with it then.

Send him a message saying until a judge deems him a suitable df you will be keeping the dc safely with you full time..
Then block him.

If I were you I would let the kids decide when they want to see him (or not) and cut all but necessary contact with him. He sounds horrible. I've had to take a similar decision with my daughter (16) recently as her dad did nothing but have a go at her when she was with him. She has withdrawn and seen him less and this has improved his behaviour.

You don't say how old your eldest is but I doubt the courts would rule on the dad getting custody from what you've said as the kids are old enough to have a say in the matter and the fact that he is dependent on drugs is not going to do him any favours!

They are 16, 15 and 8.

8 year old has just broken down in tears that his dad has told him he has to pick

Oh what a manipulative knob - this makes my blood boil. Poor kid. Unfortunately 8 is a little young for him to realise what a dick his dad is - he will learn though, trust me.