Hey guys, I’m really in need of some open minded advice. So here we go...
(I posted this a few weeks ago, just want some fresh views, plus I’ve added more info).
When I was 17 I met a guy who I fell in love with, at this time I had issues at home and would stay at his nearly every day. He told me he was 25, however I found out a couple of months later that he was in fact 35 (I saw his passport). I wanted to leave but he pleaded with me that he only lied because he thought I wouldn’t be interested in him (correct), and so I guess I just forgave him because I had strong feelings for him. However I’m now curious why he, as a grown man, would’ve been interested in someone so young.
Fast forward 5 years later, we have 2 children and I’m feeling resentful. I was never taught about contraception and didn’t really have a role model in my life to guide me as a teenager, I’ve tried to break up with him a few times because of the way we get along (our personalities are completely different) but I eventually give in because I can see how much he genuinely loves me.
As I get older I realize how young 17-18 actually is, and I feel that he chose me for his own benefit because I was naive and easy to manipulate. I can’t shake the feeling of what he’s done... but I know that at this present time he does actually love me. I don’t know what to do, please give me some advice I’d appreciate it. Thanks
I didn’t have a great relationship with my family and no one really discussed contraception with me. After my first, I had the iud (which he was annoyed about) but had to take it out due to complications with pcos. I now have the copper iud (which was never explained to me at the time I took the hormonal out), but fell pregnant after the removal of the first iud. I was pretty much a runaway kid and so I was quite vulnerable. When I tried to break up with him after he lied, he claimed that other people were putting the idea of us breaking up in my head and wouldn’t leave me. So I just thought that was true and decided to stay. I hadn’t felt much love in my life and To be honest I feel a little resentment towards my family for not protecting or teaching me about relationships etc. I’d like to think I will bring my kids up with the knowledge they need about things like this. I put up a thread a couple of years ago, and everyone was basically saying it’s all my fault. I’d like anyone who is answering to be brutally honest with me but please take into consideration the age I was when we first met.
Edit: when we first met, I also told him that I’m into women. He didn’t take it too seriously and thought of it as some kink, he still does. Little does he know I’m full blown bisexual and I couldn’t imagine telling him as he’s very homophobic...but is ok with me liking girls....
Another thing is that he honestly will not allow me to break up with him. I’ve tried about 4 or 5 times. He does a lot for us and I’m grateful, however I feel like we’re more friends than lovers. I went out the other day to a club and when I got home I was walking around the house crying because I feel like a grown 35 year old women, and felt like my youth had been stolen from me (cringey..) but I was genuinely mourning the youth I never had. Going out like that and having fun makes me realize a lot of things.
I hope I’ve said enough for everyone to understand, I’d really appreciate some good advice and perspectives. Thanks x