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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pictures of his ex

7 replies

Blueamz · 01/01/2020 23:06

I’ve been with my fiancé for 2 years, it was his birthday a couple of days ago and he hid a message from his ex from me. I questioned him about it and it quickly escalated into a full blown row. I looked through his phone and found sexual images of her (and them together), which he’s kept on his
Phone since they were together- about 4 years ago. I went mental and he walked out- he drunk drove and went missing all night. I cut up all his tops out of anger.
Now he’s saying I’m the psycho and have no reason to be so angry at him. I’m not sure he’s even deleted the pictures now. How can I trust him again? What would you do? Please help me, I feel so alone. My confidence is rock bottom and I feel awful. There’s a 20 year age difference between us and I never thought an older man could treat me so badly (I’ve seen it all previously from exes my age!!)

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 01/01/2020 23:07

Wow. You need to break up. Drink driving and trashing his belongings is a big escalation from a message from his ex on his birthday. Your dynamic sounds toxic.

Dhalandchips · 01/01/2020 23:08

Yep, that's not gonna last!

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 01/01/2020 23:08

You both sound toxic as each other this relationship is unhealthy

Feelingstupid123456789101112 · 01/01/2020 23:10

Agree with pp. sounds chaotic and majorly fucked up. He’s obviously out of order, but cutting up his clothes?! Come on.

cousinboneless · 01/01/2020 23:13

End this now before it escalates further. You're both out of order. How extreme do you want this to be?

lisag1969 · 01/01/2020 23:15

How do you know the photos are old and not new ?

Separate and find someone who makes you happy all of the time. Not just some of the time. X

namechange1041 · 01/01/2020 23:36

From my experience, if they act argumentative and defensive, they're guilty or got something to hide. If not they would reassure you. I think he could have at least deleted the pics in front of you to make you feel a bit better? Don't know if that's the right word but ykwim.
They may still have something going as it does seem odd that he would hide it and still have her pics.

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