What to do for the best- complex situation

[tmagners]

Hi everyone, I have made a huge mistake and need to work out how to deal with it.

I’m a 40 year old guy, married with 1 dc aged 10.

I’ve been with my wife for 15 years. I’ll add at this point that I’m bisexual. Belriefky discussed this with wife before wedding but up until now it’s never been an issue as I’ve always been monogamous. For me it’s no different to finding other women attractive/ we don’t have to act on it. I’m comfortable with my sexuality and this isn’t really the issue .

Earlier this year we hit a difficult patch. Lots of arguing and a huge decrease in our physical relationship. This is important to me as my srx drive is quite high.

I work away a lot and basically I did a stupid this and logged onto an adult video chat room thing. It was basically where you video yourself masturbating with someone else do the other end of camera. I did this several times over a 4 month period with men and women. Initially it felt safe as there was never any actual contact. I never showed my face. I know this sounds so gross but I need to give you a clear picture of what I did.

Around Easter my wife and I started to make more of an effort and we’ve managed to get back to a really good place. I’ve not been on the sites since April and have no desire to do so.

Age know I did a really terrible thing and I feel very remorseful. I’ve spoken to an online regard counsellor who suggested not telling wife but focussing on marriage etc. I’m not sure what to do. Part of me wants to not tell, but another part of me feels like I have to be honest and take the consequences

Don't tell. Why would you want to burden her with your guilt?
But.... don't do it anymore.
Were you hoping for a sexual experience with a man?

What you did wasn't great but as you don't appear to have had any direct sexual contact with anyone it is probably best that you just try and move on now. You are just getting your marriage back on track so concentrate on that but make sure you have completely deleted any evidence of this site otherwise it is going to come back and bite you if she later finds out.

Not ideal at all and I think it's good you feel so remorseful as you now know that if you and DW hit a similar rough patch that this behaviour is not the answer.

However, if I am right in thinking there was no emotional or physical connection with another person and you can't be identified then I wouldn't bring it up as long as it stops here. Think about your reasons for telling. Would it be to share your guilt, try and assuage it then carry on rebuilding the marriage? Is this likely to happen or is it likely to cause many more problems and make your wife feel a lot worse and more unsettled? If you would be sharing just to make yourself feel better, have a very careful think about this. Perhaps the guilt is a suitable consequence for you to have to deal with as you were in the wrong but I honestly don't think this has to be catastrophic unless you make it so.

Is there more significance in you video chatting with men, is this something you were hoping to explore more or are you now happy again to be monogamous?