So I've been with dp almost 3 years and this year we are moving in together .
I trust him and guess this just made me feel a little insecure so would appreciate a bit of Mumsnet reassurance or otherwise .
We are both mid 40's .
I was married 25 years and he was engaged once .
They split up 6 months prior to us meeting hence I took things very very slowly as he was hurt amd I didn't want to be the rebound.
It took him a long time to get all her things out of the house .
Literally 2 years .
She is married to someone else now .
Personally I would have dumped the stuff but he keeps in touch at Christmas with her parents and took the rest of her belongings this Christmas .
I asked him why he didn't just call or message her to come and get it and his reply was that they don't get on now .
I regularly communicate with my ex husband because we have children but he told me ( I didn't ask ) he had no reason to keep in touch and they didn't get on now at all .
I know she hurt him badly enough that he goes for counselling every week .... but I also know there's two sides ect .
Anyway on Christmas Day I left him in bed and suggested he take a nap while I clear up before dinner .
I left him for an hour or so and brought him a cuppa to wake up .
His phone pinged on the bedside table and a message came up on the screen . It was from his ex fiancé .
In the early days that was common place as they shared a dog but this is 3 years later and she's married .
I asked him what the hell he was doing talking to her in my bed on Christmas Day .
I asked to see his phone and he was very coy and didn't want to .
I asked him to show me now which was difficult as it meant I didn't trust him but with good reason . I promised not to read the messages ( honestly can't without my glasses ) but that I wanted to see who initiated the conversation ( he said it wasn't him ) and how often they'd been speaking .
He handed me his phone but was deathly pale .
It was him who had e mailed her to let her know his father was in hospital again and broken his arm . She hadn't got his email so he messaged her .
He'd also messaged that his new dog was recovering from a surgery .
It was all innocent and hope you having a great Christmas type thing but also a couple of times this month and last .
So he'd lied to me . He had initiated the conversation and it wasn't just once . And it was all pleasant when I thought they didn't get on .
He told me he loved me : adored me and I need not fear he still had feelings for her . When I say he is kind he is unusually kind and wanted her to know he's returned her last few things to her parents . So I think he just genuinely wanted to be friendly .
He deleted the message trail and said if it made me feel uncomfortable he totally understood and it would stop . He promised not to talk with her again . But I shouldn't need him to say he'll do that because at the end of the day he shouldn't be messaging her should he ?
So ..... does he still have feelings for her ?
I really trust him but wonder if I am being naive or just actually with a perfectly honest chap who fronted up, showed me his phone , apologised profusely and assured me he'd cut all contact .
Surely he should have done that anyway before I caught him though ?
Oh crikey I want to spend forever with this man and I know he loves me but does he still have feelings for her and if so what do I do ?
Sorry for long msg x