Have also posted in Chat forum.
I think the start of a new year makes you think about things (well actually dwell in my case).
I have been estranged from my mother for about 5 years (she is fast approaching 70). I went through a difficult time and she did not support me in the way I needed to be supported, then shouted at me on the phone and I didn't contact her back...and then nothing. We were not close growing up (I now believe that my mother had/has mental health issues that were not addressed/something to do with her upbringing etc) and basically, I lacked a hell of a lot of emotional support (not like the sort of relationship I have with teen dc now). If I got back in touch with her (and I now believe it would have to be me who would instigate it), I suppose I risk more of those sort of hollow feelings - she never involved herself much with our lives and it was sort of an hourly contact each week. The problem is I dread something happening to her and we hadn't sorted things out (I don't think we will ever sort things out properly because she will never admit to being/doing anything wrong). One of my siblings lives near her (who also does not maintain contact with me, though it isn't directly his fault - another long story, he has issues) so she is not completely isolated (df lives in another part of the country) and from what I can gather she relies on visits from them and dog and drinks a fair bit. I feel a sense of guilt and I have not been feeling too well lately - call it hormonal related/midlife (off to see GP next week) but someone said had I still not seen my mum yesterday to which I broke down in tears (also recovering from flu). Please put some perspective on this. It's not that my mother would add or necessarily take away from my life - because contact was only minimal, yet still something. My mother has barely met one of my children and never met the other but I don't know if all these feelings have surfaced because I am having my own issues.