Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am sure I have done the right thing but why do I feel so bad?

4 replies

Starlight1985 · 01/01/2020 19:09

I don’t even know how to start this, been with DH for 6 years married for 4, have 2 young DD aged 4 and 2. Throughout the entire history of our relationship DH has seemingly had a problem when it came to alcohol in the sense that for all he wouldn’t drink often the times he didn’t seem to know how to stop and would sometimes carry on for days staying at friends etc but all the while messaging me telling me how bad of a person I am. It’s as if he needs to justify his actions somehow by doing this, like well your crap you make me drink sort of thing. Dv has been an issue but the latest incident happened in October where he actually hit me in front of both our children several times. Police called as were social services and he is no longer at home with us. Until Xmas when I stupidly said he could spend it with us, only for him to cause a huge argument about nothing purely so he could go back out on the drink. This was 4 days ago. All I have had since are abusive messages which I don’t reply too. I know in my heart of hearts he is no good for me or our children if we were to stay together. I no longer trust him or can rely on him in any way, there has been many other things happen over the years to lead me to feel like this. This isn’t just a one off. Now here’s the thing, for all our marriage is over and he won’t be returning to the family home, I know it is best for everyone but why do I feel so guilty and bad about this? I feel so sad. Any advice, comments, suggestions are appareciated.

OP posts:
Pomegranatemolasses · 01/01/2020 19:13

Am so sorry to hear this. He sounds horrendous and you are well rid of him. It's common to feel the way you're feeling - after all he has played a number on you for years, making you out to be the bad guy.

Is it possible for you to access counselling to help you? Perhaps a visit to your GP is the starting point. You need professional help to process all the trauma you've been through.

BorissGiantJohnson · 01/01/2020 19:19

You're under social services for domestic violence and you let him back in the family home?! What on earth were you thinking? Do you know that's exactly how you get children taken off you, it's classes as failure to protect them.
Put your misplaced guilt about your marriage and husband aside and prioritise your children.

rvby · 01/01/2020 20:45

@Starlight1985 you feel bad because you are a social animal whose brain is wired to maintain connections and relationships.

Heroin addicts feel bad when they come off heroin. Doesnt mean the heroin was a good idea.

This guy is the same. Hes bad for you and DC but your brain is basically having to wean itself off of the fantasy of a happy family life - it's an extremely painful process and will feel awful. But it's for the best.

Please dont allow this violent criminal back into your home. You will end up getting your DC taken off you. Please think carefully and remember the awful consequences you are risking by hanging on to a fantasy x

Starlight1985 · 02/01/2020 09:21

Rvby thanks for your message it makes logical sense. I wish I could turn off my feelings, what you said is totally right I am hanging on to a fantasy that will never become reality.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread