Help me be less anxious

[jumpybean]

Hi all,

So I have been seeing someone for 4/5 months now and everything is going great. We have had the 'exclusive' chat and have been assured there's nothing to worry about there. However, I can't help but feel so anxious and paranoid when I don't hear from him. Sometimes it can be anything up to 4 hours. This isn't unusual and in a way I kind of like that we don't need to talk 24/7, although we do keep in touch from morning until night via text and also phone calls. It's very much equal effort I'd say. So I have no idea why I feel like this. I'm really conscious of the fact I don't want to be needy but I don't know how to feel calm when he doesn't reply for a while. He is great and can see this being a long term relationship and I am really happy. My last 2 relationships were long (one was 7/8 years and the other 5 years), but I was subject to cheating and lies in both so that might be where my insecurities come from.

Has anyone else felt like this before when you know you have no reason to? Please if you have any advice on how to help me feel less paranoid then I'd really appreciate it. I am so scared I will ruin this

Thanks in advance!

I understand how you feel, i've also been cheated on/lied to a couple of times before.
Just try to keep busy. I think as long as he's not taking days to reply then it's ok. It sounds like it's going well and the main thing is equal effort.
I know very well that feeling of waiting to get a reply and worrying that they won't. It's easy to say but maybe just try to get yourself into a place where you know that whatever a man does, you will be strong and fine without them.
Sadly we are not immune from anything, but it sounds like you have a good one, I hope you are feeling more relaxed soon. 💐

I recognise that timeframe really well if it helps. That's the iscthis too good to be true wobble phase. I'm at 6 months now and a bit more relaxed x

I have literally just ended a short RS for this issue from the other side so I am glad you are looking at yourself and not the other person. I think sometimes people can give you reason to feel uneasy when they come over as flakey but if he’s replying and a good guy then this is just your anxious feelings.

I turned my WA last seen off a Long Time Ago - this is a really bad feature that creates anxiety. So do that

Learn to leave you phone further away from you, so it isn’t always around you and you are checking it. This can be a bad habit. You need basic distraction around your phone and getting replies. You need to break the anxiety that the phone creates for you by putting distance between it and you

4 hours isn't very long, you know. You need to put your phone down more and check it less.

Personally, what I do when I realise I'm checking my phone too much/becoming anxious about contact, I make the deliberate choice to put my phone away and go and do something absorbing. I set myself a time I'm allowed to start worrying if when I check there's no response, otherwise I consciously push away those thoughts and don't indulge them. Timeframe needs to be bigger than a 4 hour window.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's felt like this, starting to think I am going mad. I end up creating all sorts of situations in my head and constantly fighting a lump in my throat. I've actually thought if I end it then at least these feelings will go away.

We live 1hr apart and he has 2 children, I have none. So I do know and appreciate he is busy and even more so over Christmas. These feelings only started in the past week so I am hoping to put it down to his busy schedule over the festive season. I haven't met his children yet so we have to keep them and me separate for now, which again makes it more tricky to have time together. Hoping this will pass as it's a horrible gut wrenching feeling.

Sorry and for the read receipt thing.. I don't have any of these on but he does. So sadly I can't change that he has that time stamp on messages without bringing it up. And I feel if I have to ask him to hide that just to save myself from feeling anxious then I fear he will think I am crazy!

If you turn them off on yours you can’t see his. My WA works like this and I also don’t have them on iMessage either

You need a phone detox for 2020!

Oh it's not on WA that we message. It's one where you can choose to have your 'active now/last active' status shown or not. But it makes no difference to theirs even if you turn your own off.

Yes I agree about the phone detox, definitely wouldn't be a bad idea. I think having these 2 weeks off work it is allowing me more time to overthink and be more aware of timescales, whereas until now I have been pretty busy myself so tend not to notice the time between messages.