Hi everyone,
First time poster so be gentle please.
I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and after the initial 6 month excitement period was over, I’ve been having major problems with my libido. I’ve been to see my GP a number of times and I’ve tried a number of different contraception methods but nothing has made much of a difference. Until around 3 months ago, we did have sex a few times a month, sometimes more but it was usually instigated by my partner as my desire was so low. I switched pills again around this time and have been waiting to see if this made a difference. I had noticed my partner was no longer initiating sex and when I tried on a few occasions, he pushed me away but I knew he was stressed at work so gave him space.
Life hasn’t been easy over the last couple of years as we moved to a new city where we knew nobody and we also had to get used to my partner starting to work abroad for 2-3 weeks at a time so I’ve also been stressed at times which could have impacted my libido too.
My partner has been experiencing work related stress so I encouraged him to see a counsellor as I was worried about him and his work arranged for him to see an online counsellor who he has spoken to on just three occasions over two and a half months. In my own experience of counselling, I spoke to mine each week but his counsellor has been on holiday a lot and in some cases he’s waited three weeks to speak to her which has concerned me as he’s being left with long periods of time to think about what has been discussed with no support from his counsellor.
We decided together some time ago that in 2020, we would move again, hopefully for the last time to be closer to friends and family and I was lucky enough to find out just before Christmas that I got a really great job in our ideal city so I was delighted. My partner was delighted at first too but he then had an online appointment with his counsellor, and his mood completely changed and he told me that due to our lack of sex, he has been massively impacted which is why he is stressed at work and he no longer know if he wants to be with me and definitely doesn’t want to follow through with our plans to move city right now. He has been quite cold and mean at times and when I try to discuss everything he says I need to give him space. Christmas was a real struggle as we strayed with his family so had to keep on a brave face. He’s told me now that he doesn’t feel anything towards me anymore and is trying to work out what to do but he seems to be barely able to look at me right now. I’m trying to initiate basic touching and kissing but he responds badly to that. To try and show I’m committed, I went to see my doctor and she’s finally agreed I can try the coil to see if the lack of hormones in contraception makes a difference.
He’s agreed to go and see a relationship counsellor/sex therapist for an initial consultation next week so that’s a good start but I just really don’t know what to do.
I’m concerned that his counselling sessions have opened up things for him (fair enough) but the big waits between sessions are leaving him with nothing to do but think and this is leaving him to feel worse towards me. I’m pretty distraught and don’t know what to do. Any advice or insights would be received with thanks.