Lonely..

[Losttheplot999]

I'm currently on maternity leave - due any day now.
I've never been really sociable, only really see 'friends' in works time, but I'm close to a handful of people I work with.
I've been on mat leave for around 3 weeks and just feel completely alone now I've left work, I'm really close to my sister and we usually spend a lot of time together (most days) but she's just started seeing a new fella so is spending a lot of time with him - I know its not normal for me to feel resentful of her new relationship, but I feel like I need her more than ever now and she has better things to do than spend her time with her fed up whale of a pregnant sister.

Am I crazy to feel jealous of her spending time with a new guy over me? I feel like I'm going crazy!

Do you have a partner or any family other than your sister?

You know you’re being very unreasonable to resent your sister being happy in a new relationship and spending time getting to know the guy. It’s rubbish feeling lonely and isolated but it’s not her job to be your sole support network. She’s allowed her own life and you should be happy for her.

When your baby’s here you could join some mum and baby groups and try to make new friends there.

I 110% realise I'm being more than unreasonable feeling like this and I would never post about this usually because I know I do sound crazy, but I just feel completely lost and a mess today so posted to try get some advice.

As much as i say i resent her, I'm happy that she's found someone who does make her happy - I'm just being stupid

Mum and baby groups are a good idea - I need something like that for sure. I think being cooped up in the house is making me feel worse than usual

Hi - when I first when on mat leave I missed the social part of work like crazy and once my partner went back to work I felt so lonely on my own all day with a new born. I survived to 6/7 weeks then started groups and clubs to meet people.

I did baby swimming
Library once a week does rhyme time which is free
Mummy and me yoga (with tea and biscuits after)
Mush to meet more mums (networking site)
I used to meet colleagues and my partner for lunch
Where I am now my local nct does events regularly as well.
Once the baby is crawling look for play cafes and toddler groups

To get past feeling lonely I would always have plans for each day - massively helped me

@welshladywhois40

Thank you!! Some great ideas I'll start looking into now to keep my mind occupied.
I live pretty close to where I work so I can Bob in here and there too.

I looked forward to going on maternity so much but until the baby is here I'm just pottering around I guess

I sort of get it OP, I never had many friends in my teens and relied on my sister (without realising) for most of my social interactions, and certainly for holidays or day trips etc, she was my go-to person.

Though I love her I think it really wasn't helpful in that I never had to push myself to meet new friends and didnt look for that much because I had her to go with. Without realising i think it left me over-reliant and without much of a social life outside of it. Realising that was actually quite helpful, she too got married, had kids and has relocated half an hour away with her DH so isn't free in that way we were as kids, effectively. I felt similarly to you at first but as I say, the realisation that I relied on her to my own detriment really, was helpful perspective that allowed me to start reforming my own relationships and viewing my sister as a wonderful bonus bit of company/support that I was lucky to have. I think our relationship is healthier and more grown up now that I'm less insular with her.

Have you checked if there are Meetup groups in your area for things to do now? Book clubs, crafts etc? You could look upon this as a good opportunity to make friends that you normally wouldn't have time to meet due to work.

@dontgobaconmyheart that makes so much sense, thank you. I really needed that. I am relying on her too much, I think we both do it but maybe me so much more than her and I've never realised until now.
Obviously we've both had relationships and spent time apart, we arent ALWAYS together, but we have been alot more for the past few months and I've relied on that may too much.

I just feel like a crazy person 🤦🏻‍♀️

@DianaT1969 I'll have a look into that too, thank you

you arent crazy, lots of us feel lonely at times, this is a good time to think about expanding your network. Feel better, and keep reaching out here of you feel lonely.

@LadyLightning thank you so much. I know being dependent on my sister isn't healthy and I need to work on that. And being sat home alone isn't helping me either, I need to keep busy!

Have a look at the nct as you may meet some pregnant women due around the same time as you and it'll be a good source of support to be around women going through the same as you.

And once baby is here join playgroups even if your baby is too young to notice. You'll make friends and you can ask them round to yours or go to theirs and it'll make everything more fun and easier

And lots of love to you as you build up your network!