Stages of grief - help, support

[crossroads1]

Firstly happy new year all.

Secondly a bit of background - partner was cheating on me with OW and we split in 2018. had a horrible break up which involved him and her calling me on speaker phone with her hiding in the background while he hurled abuse at me. that was the last time we ever spoke. I had so much hatred for him getting over the affair was easy and I met someone else.

However the last month or two I have been having strange dreams where either him or his family randomly appear. He is still with OW and last night I had a dream someone in my family and her became friends! All of a sudden it is like I am remembering the very small nice gestures he did whereas before all I remembered was the abuse he gave me. Is this a stage of grief that is majorly delayed? I have also been thinking that I want an apology for him as he never sincerely apologised for everything he did - of course I will never get this in a million years but why nearly 2 years later is this stage of grief popping up? I might also add things with me and my partner are heading towards marriage so is this me trying to tie up the loose ends? I have no feelings for ex he is actually a very horrible nasty mean person but for some reason I have started to feel sympathy towards him and I don't know why.. or is this progressing towards a stage of forgiveness?

Before I was angry and hurt, then that diminished when I fell head over heels for my partner. Fast forward a year later and I now feel sympathy and the anger is almost gone but is Turning into something else and I don't know what... any advice?

Ill also add its like this haunts me - the affair and the way the two of them went about it. Its almost scary how much of a good liar he was and made me question if I never knew him at all. Poss a form of PTSD.

Not sure if this is also related - but someone in my fam passed away, his sisters all reached out to me to pay condolences, but he never did. I never expected him too because of the volatile way we ended but a part of me thought he should have reached out, I wouldn't have replied but maybe it would have given me some time I closure. I actually wish I could go back in time and never have met him, I was never happy with him and his drug abuse, but then he gave me the spiel of being depressed and got signed off work for stress after the affair was caught. I have done counselling but I dont know why the trauma still gets to me somedays...

I still have regular dreams about my ex, together 8 Years, split 8 years ago. He was incredibly abusive to me in every way possible. But I have these sweet dreams about him and we are back together etc. I’m in a relationship with someone of 4 years who I love with all my heart. Best thing to happen to me. I’ve just put the dreams down to the amount of grief this person put me through. I think he will forever be in my head even though I have moved on. Possibly could be a form of PTSD. But you’re not alone just don’t let these dreams fester. Forget about them like I do and carry on. Don’t overthink them.

@Kayleigh12 wow thank you so much.. you have just alleviated so much of my anxiety in knowing that I'm not alone.

The break up was toxic from so many levels and the cherry on top was the OW. Which naturally made me feel very insecure and wondered if she was prettier or just better than me, these are more of the lasting feelings I have.

Your situation sounds just like mine where I have a dream where he is really nice(how he was in the beginning) and we are all playing happy families. I won't be overthinking them anymore :)