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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dealing with ex's hot and cold behaviour

4 replies

RLEOM · 01/01/2020 14:24

My daughter's dad and I split a year ago. He cheated after our daughter was born, I left, he's now with cuntface affair partner.

Since I walked, he was doing his best to hurt me through social media by posting picture of AP lovingly holding our baby, taking her on a date to where I was taking him for Valentine's day etc. Now he's not fussed about hurting me in that way but he does pick and choose when he's nice.

In front of his family, he's cold to me, will often ignore me. When we talk without anyone around, he's lovely, playful, open (he used to be a bit flirty but that's stopped - thank God).

I've always tried to be my usual pleasant self but feel like I've spent a year being mugged off by this man. Am I right to try a new approach by being a lot colder and stand offish with him? Not rude or anything, just not giving him the time of day. It's not the best model for our daughter but neither is him picking and choosing when he's nice. I feel like he looks down on me in front of his family and I'm pretty sick of being taken for a fool.

OP posts:
2020BetterBeBetter · 01/01/2020 14:25

I would stop following him on social media (don’t delete), minimise all contact and conversation to that of your daughter and contact with her. You don’t owe him anything else.

RLEOM · 01/01/2020 15:24

Thank you @2020BetterBeBetter
I haven't followed him on social media in a long time - the pictures he posted were a month after I left. I guess I'll just have to stop being so friendly and so normal. I find it hard to not be me, which is happy, open and friendly, which I think is my main problem.

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 01/01/2020 16:23

Just be yourself and don’t act or be a type. He’s obviously not interested and you have a fab life of your own to build.

RLEOM · 01/01/2020 17:56

@NameChangeNugget I don't care if he's interested as I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole, but I do care about being treated with kindness. Hopefully one day he'll reach a point of indifference like I have and not feel the need to be so hot and cold.

OP posts:
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