I don’t think I can go on

[Pinkmexicanskull]

Posted thread yesterday about 15 year relationship ending really suddenly and not by my choice. Totally out of the blue but deleted as worried was too outing.

I need to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel of a breakdown like this. Right now I’ve not felt more bleak, or low than I do right now, can’t stop crying and feel like I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

Please tell me it gets better.

Very simply. Yes it does get better.
But there’s no magic pill. You need to grieve.
And time.
No one is worth killing your self for.

But I totally understand the feeling of going to sleep and not wanting to wake up.

And recovery takes varying amounts of time.

Many of us have been there. It’s fucking tough it really is. Xx

Thank you @aroundtheworldyet

It’s just the worst pain. I keep trying to push on through by I can’t and I’ve been through some seriously shitty times in my life outside of this.

He is just the person in the world I would lean on if it got too much and I can’t do that now.

You can lean on us!

Ha @aroundtheworldyet making me cry again. Thank you, that’s so lovely.

It does get much better but just takes time. My life now is 10 x better. Love it. Just take each day as it comes. Time is a healer.

I haven't had a hurt like it. Your world has been turned upside down and the one person who you thought you could depend on isn't there anymore.

As pp said there isn't a quick fix or short cut.

Gather good people around you. And let them support you. See your gp if you feel you really aren't coping.

Go as low contact as you can. I know how hard that is. But you need to grieve and there is no answers there. You will just be looking for hope in the communication.

Start moving stuff around buy new bedding and or flowers anything that gives you a bit of comfort.

It takes time but it gets easier in time.

I am in the same place as you are now, and I know the pain at times is unbearable. You are not alone. Just take each day as it comes.
I wake up every day wondering what my ex and the woman he left me for is doing. But then I get up and face the world the best I can.

Baby steps, and it will get better in time.
Just do some nice things for yourself and come here when you need to vent, it has really helped me.
Please don't ever feel you can't go on, just think how better it will all be this time next year and it will be much better.

Totally baby steps. And sometimes it’s 2 steps forward and 1 step back.
But that’s ok.
If you can survive, then you will one day thrive.

We are social animals who are wired to love each other. Breaking up is just as horrendous as a death. It's real grief, it's gut wrenching and it does feel barely survivable.

But you will survive it. Your job right now is to tie yourself to the mast and just get through the worst of the storm. Don't jump off into those waves - you are needed and loved on this earth, you can make it through. The secret is patience and determination.

Lean on us, thousands have done it and thousands have survived.

For a year, I cried every day.

It is ok to hurt - pain won't kill you as long as you remember to let it wash through you when it shows up.

Pain is like the water to wash the wound - if you let it flow, the wound cleans quicker and you heal faster.

But if you dont wash the wound - if you rely on drink, drugs, other distractions too much to stave off the pain - that's when that wound gets infected. You need to let the pain show up and move through you so that you can get to the calm and healing at the end.

Allow yourself to feel grief, keep breathing, take small steps minute by minute to soothe yourself. Cup of tea, quick walk outside. Nature helped me, just being outdoors. Telling friends I was hurting also helped.

Thank you everyone for your wise words. Like I said up thread, I consider myself a strong woman. I lost my mum at 18, and have dealt with countless other awful things between then and now. But this has really hit me for six.

All of my friends are married/having kids, my family are all on the other side of the world (literally) and so I feel completely bereft. What makes it worse is that his family became my family- and now I face losing them too.

I finally got dressed today and went out for a few hours on my own. DP told me there’s nobody else but my mind is running a million miles an hour and now I wonder if there is. Sobbed at myself in the mirror this morning wondering if he just doesn’t fancy or find me attractive anymore. I feel like I’ll never feel ok again.

Well done for getting out, Pink.

I echo what everyone else says but I just wanted to add that I think it helps to know that most adults have had this feeling. Think of all the singers who sing about their heartache - and they are successful, talented and (usually) good looking people . We've all been through it. And most of us survive to feel normal again one day .

Gather your friends around you, take one day at a time. Try and have things to look forward to, whether that's a hot bath, a walk with a friend or a night out. It's a cliche but it does take time. (And a fighting attitude!)

Glad you got out today. That’s a great step

Thanks everyone I really really appreciate you giving me words of wisdom. So hard for me to ground myself- the last time I was “dumped” I was 17 and my Mum was still alive. I’ve only ever known DP since then.

I know I’ll snap out of being pathetic but at the moment I feel like the world is ending. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I have a huge knot in my tummy I can’t get rid of. I’m like a ball of anxiety. I’ve told two friends today and both have been lovely- but both miles away and not able to offer practical support but it’s good to talk to people on the phone.

Avoiding telling DF- it will all become reality when I do that.

You're not pathetic. The physical and emotional feelings you're having are normal manifestations of a human being who has experienced shock and is now in grief.

You're doing so well. Keep ringing friends xx

Hi

Do you have kids with this person?

What a hideous man to do it over Christmas!

Tell your dad and start getting cross !

I'm pretty much in the same boat. 15yrs ended oct. 3 girls together (youngest is 3). Been a struggle over xmas though I stayed over xmas eve so I was there in the morning when they opened presents but destroyed me when I left after dinner.

@bigchris no kids. Which I guess is a blessing. But there’s never the right time to do it- it would have killed me whenever he did it.

@justaordinarybloke I’m sorry- it’s utterly shite isn’t it.