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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Baby daddy drama.. abandoned then playing with my emotions

4 replies

Idontknow777 · 01/01/2020 07:24

So to keep it short my daughter and I were abandoned by my ex at three months post partum and our house lease ended and he pretty much left us and took off

I moved back to moms and spent the last 4, almost 5 months slowly transforming my old bedroom into a nursery for my now 8 month old baby. I don’t work, I take care of my baby full time, can’t afford Day care don’t have family that are able to watch her and I honestly WANT to be with my daughter all the time when she’s this little. I don’t reallt care who wants to judge me or think I’m a bum. Being a mom full time is the hardest job. But the best job.

Her dad barely sees her. Maybe once a month probably 4 times a month at the most. He didn’t show on thanksgiving or christmss. He came the day after Christmas and didn’t even bring her a gift. He gives me $700 a month which is nothing, especially since he left us when she was 3 months and she didn’t have a crib at that point, jumper, play pen, pak n play, high chair, toys, etc. those items have all been purchased by me with the $700/month slowly I got her everything and toys and clothes etc. my mom has helped me financially a little bit

So her father and I don’t get along anymore but the last two times I saw him we hooked up. Simply bc I haven’t had sex since she was born, and I don’t see myself dating anytime soon as I don’t rlly have the time; or a sitter. I sorta started getting feelings again I think because we hooked up. When he came to see her today, we even picked up take out food to eat together. And it was a meal to share not like our own stuff. Then we got in a fight and he said he didn’t mean to hook up with me he couldn’t control it and he felt bad bout it affter and he was just buying me food to be nice. He also brought over clothes though from his friends wife like hand me downs to give me. I feel like he was sending me mixed emotions and i feel like shit.

He also said “you don’t even have a —-“ then stopped mid sentence and I think he meant to say job. He does NOTHING to help with my baby he also got an oui and his license taken away recently lol he doesn’t watch her, bathe her, change her, feed her, or buy anyrbjnt for her then he says basically that I’m not good enough for him, don’t hve whatver he was gonna say, and don’t progress in my life. I’m just so angry because I do so much for our daughter. I have not bought ONE thing for myself since she’s been born.. like I wear clothes from 2+ years ago probably why they gave me hand me downs (but again I don’t get why she would do that for an ex) and I just feel like so shitty. I take a five minute showe everyday, docmy makeup in three minutes and ya I don’t look the cutest but I have no help I’d rather spend 3 minutes on my makeup then an hour getting rdy while my child cries in the pak n play. I’d rather her have new clothes than me

I just feel like shit and I don’t know what to do :(

OP posts:
Pickpick101 · 01/01/2020 07:49

I think you should stop hooking up , it will not help , make a clean break. Try and set some boundaries with your ex.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 01/01/2020 07:57

Stop having sex with him. You've realised that it's leading you onto dangerous emotional territory. If you want sex, get a Tinder account and crack on. If you just want an orgasm, get a Magic Wand, they work out a lot cheaper and less hassle than a boyfriend 🤣

If he's paying $700 maintenance per month then you're in a much better position than the majority of single mums. And 4 visits a month would be about average given the age of your child.

The clothes thing is a bit weird though - I think I'd have said thanks but no thanks, I'll stick to George at Asda.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/01/2020 08:20

Set boundaries and be firm. Stop hooking up with him. He's your ex, and he doesn't sound like a very good person. He gives you money, which is something at least, but you need to set up a routine for him to see his daughter, not just whenever he feels like it.

SandyY2K · 01/01/2020 09:02

I agree...stop hooking up with him. $700 a month doesn't sound that bad from him.

Look after your baby girl and focus on the future. The time will fly before you know it and in a few years she'll be in kindergarten/school, then you can work. Perhaps even look for work from home opportunities.

Focus on you and your DD. Stop letting him make use of your body.

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