OLD. Can you be too fussy?

[AMartel]

Six minutes to new year and I'm having a lonely panic.

Am I being too fussy? I am very shy and OLD isn't something I enjoy, but I don't meet men any other way. I went on 3 dates last year. I felt a connection with one of them, but he messed about organising a date three times.

Being honest, this is my checklist

• not a tosser (looking at you, 'Looking for someone to embrace my socialist lifestyle')
• degree educated
• not a father already
• with hair
• ideally from the same cultural background
• not a cat owner
• has bothered to fill something in in his profile

I'm using Bumble so you can see most of these things. The only thing which doesn't seem to work is the location. I seem to get a lot of matches from the next nearest city but not the one I'm in

Should I be more open? Have you ever changed your mind from picture to date?

How far is your next nearest city?

I personally don’t think you can be too fussy. Why settle. That’s my personal opinion.

I'm 15 minutes by train into City A but 45 minutes from City B. I get far more matches from City B, oddly enough, but being perfectly honest, I couldn't afford the constant train fare back and forth.

Why "not a cat owner"? I'm genuinely curious.

Mixed feelings here, if you are going to be spending your life with someone then be really fussy. However, is non bald really necessary?

What is your cultural background? Is that going to significantly limit the numbers? Are there any dating sites for your culture that might give more matches?

Ultimately the more deal breakers you have the smaller the pool of potential matches.

Fussy should be what you are from the get go! That is not to say solid, you may be willing to compromise but if you have dealbreakers, be fussy.
Life is tooooooo short to be with someone who is or does something that makes you miserable.
However, you should learn to be happy alone first, no one should MAKE you happy, they should just enhance your already established happiness.

Depends on how rare your cultural background is. I think you need to accept further distance, 45 mins is nothing.

And yes you can be too fussy but if thats literally all you ask for then its not.
Im surprised you didnt mention height?

Don’t do it!

Honestly my BIL has been on it for years - whilst married. It’s just a pond for dick heads to fish in.

You will meet some one organically

Well if no one, or very few, from city A on Bumble meet your criteria then you can’t be matched with imaginary people.

'Imaginary people' brutal 😂 @lamallatsea

I'd say the answer could vary depending on the age range you're looking for and your own personal circumstances. For example, age 40+ there's going to be a lot more divorced dads and those with no kids will include a larger proportion of "committed bachelors". Under 35, however, you're more likely to find a good selection of guys who are still potential dads-to-be.

And ditto what PP said about cultural background - is it a small pool to begin with?

Stay fussy. I decided I should be less fussy and ended up dating people who really weren't right for me.
Be wary of letting people in on your 'list' though as I had a long one and men lied about things that were very important to me just to get a date.

I did go back to being fussy and met my DP very soon afterwards. He matches my list perfectly.

Depends on your age and location, over 40 and not in a big city, you're not going to find many men without kids. But I also wouldn't want to get involved with a guy with kids so I do get it.

Degree educated, I don't see why that matters. Fair enough if you don't want a cock lodger but plenty of people without degrees earn decent money if that's what bothers you. If I had my time again, I just wouldn't bother going to university.

Cultural background, my husband and I are from very different cultures and it works really well but it is something that you have to work on to some extent. On the other hand, it has a lot of benefits (always stuff to talk about, learn etc). If it's about religion, it could be a different story though.

On paper, I likely wouldn't have chosen my husband, we're really different but we just clicked. That's the problem with online dating I think, a lot of people get dismissed based on things that don't really matter much when it comes down to it.

But you should be massively fussy about stuff like kindness, politeness, stability etc. ie don't pass up the bald builder who treats you well and never flakes on dates for the banker with nice hair who keeps you hanging and makes you feel a bit shit.

I agree with Watching OP. There's an active dating thread on here which has the ups and downs as well as a recent proposal and a baby It's very supportive and helpful.

I don't believe in 'meeting someone organically' because I don't meet available men at all in my life. Met mine online