I don't know why im posting,I think I just need to say it so i keep sane. Don't even know where to start but it's the same old shit, if im honest with you I can't even remember what it was about. Anyway it resulted in the same old fist fight. It seems to be getting worse everytime, he punched me on my shoulder, face, jaw just everywhere aches. My poor baby was watching us, he hates it.
Im just so tired of it all I really am, I know I can't maintain this set up it is just not healthy, I am made to feel like im insane but I still have a bit of my judgement which is why I know this ain't right.
How can I leave? Parents pressured me to get married, when I did my marriage was very difficult and abusive so i left and came back home which was not much better but i had nowhere to go, my relationship between me and my family was so bad we did not talk for years but still lived in the same house. Eventually i met someone, who if im completely honest was a rebound. I was not attracted to him at all, I was attracted to his soul, he was lost like me or so i thought. I told him everything but it did not scare him he was just a gentleman. I got pregnant after 2 months. Things were getting really bad with my family so I just got a few things and left. Me and OH got married while I was 7months. It was just 2 of us and 2 witnesses. I never told any family or anyone that I was getting married or pregnant. My family by this point had stopped talking to altogether and acknowledging me.
Eventually after LO was born somehow slowly my family were getting in touch with me. My mother in particular calls me every week religiously and we have some what of a normal relationship, this is all as a result of me being 'married and settled', had I not been 'married and settled' they would not give a shit. I would be a nothing again. I can see that that they think the world of my OH as 'he's taken me on' (you know being divorced and all that) but I never tell them what hes really like, how can I after everything.
I've left my first marriage and I left my family when things got tough. But I can't keep running away forever.
My dislike for my OH has got so bad I just wish he was dead, I pray that he dies so I can live with my LO without fear. He threatens to take everything say from me so I have nothing.
During the argument today I never say this but I just got so tired of the same old crap that I actually got his clothes and calmly said please just go, im asking you polietly to go but he just continued swearing and told me to f off as he won't go.
Im sorry I don't know why I've written so much, thank you if you have taken the time to read.