Is this normal

[Shazza46]

Hi everyone
I have been married for 27 years and am 46, my husband is 50.
Is it normal for him to want sex a few times a week? If I don't give it to him he starts being horrible to me? The tension is felt during the day and he doesn't talk to me. When I am on my period he will at least twice want a hand job. He makes no effort in satisfying me. Is it normal for a man his age?

Wanting sex yes. Being a demanding, horrible, sulking, selfish sex pest NO!!

I had one of those. I wasn’t married so it was easier to get shot if him. I just felt used, like a receptacle for his bodily fluid. As though it was his right and there was something wrong with me if i wasn’t up for it.

There are a good few threads on here that will help you OP.

It’s not acceptable for anyone to behave in that way. You should be able to say no when you don’t feel like it. If not it’s really coercion as he’s effectively blackmailing you into doing stuff you don’t want to do and if you don’t he will throw a mood.

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Especially if your hormones have started changing and your interest in sex has decreased.

It's not normal for anyone to be a sex pest. It's coercive, PA crap at the best, abuse and rape at the worst. Only a total cunt would want to have sex with someone who doesn't to. He's been abusing you for years. Using you as an appliance.

You're being objectified. Seek help with your boundaries and what you want sexually.

Ugh, I hate that men do that. It's sexual coercion. No-one 'deserves' or is entitled to sex when their partner doesn't want it. You may (in my experience of such a man) be able to think of times he's raped, taken advantage of or assaulted you too. For instance if you were drunk or asleep.

I used to call the 'sex' with my ex 'anti-sex.' It took me a few years to realise it was often kind-of rape as it was sex when I didn't want it, and now and again (when he did it while I was asleep/too drunk to know what was going on) it was actual rape.

I recommend leaving him, that sounds a very unpleasant way to live.

Hugs and wishing you a more relaxing New Year xxxxx

How often do YOU want sex? I am female and 50, and would personally want sex at least twice a week. Preferably more. My DH is your age, and only seems to want it every 6 weeks. Yes, I get moody. So shoot me!

Wow, only a few posts in and the MN finest are now calling him a rapist! Really?

Wanting sex yes for some people

Pressurising you for it, normal for some people but unacceptable for everyone. Being off with you is a form of manipulation to make you have sex even when you dont want to. Disgusting.

As is expecting you to give him a hand jo without giving you any pleasure...reminds me of Victorian era doing your duty for procreation and mans pleasure and that's all you're good for.

The fact you had to ask shows you know it's not right

I don't want it with him at all as he repulses me . I'm a Muslim and in an arranged marriage.. Iv never felt this bad about it before but now I want to end my marriage over it. I have always been brought up to listen to your husband and give him sex when he wants so Iv been doing that all these years. Just doing my duty. But it's starting to really upset me now .

Also I have cheated on him a lot because of this? And when I did I want sex a lot- there's nothing wrong with my sex drive it's always been high- but not for my husband.

Not normal at all. Mine waits to be asked. If it takes a few weeks, so be it.

I don’t know much about your religion but I know I wouldn’t stay if I didn’t love him. You only get one life, this is it.

Do you have a source of income, from your work or whatever? Would your family be ok if you left him or would you be cast out if they are very religious and you would lose them? Would anything bad happen to you, like getting beaten up or worse for embarrassing him or bringing shame to your family etc.

Apologies if that’s offensive, I’m just asking as I wouldn't want anything bad happening to you if you left him and then you wish you hadn’t.

Eliza no offence hun ! I do have an income but I know I would struggle as I would take my 9 year old with me . And to have been used to just having a man around for 27 may be hard to adjust. However I think I would be ok. My family will hate me for breaking up the marriage and I know my husband would be hurt - but we are like chalk and cheese have never got on. My lifetime of affairs has kept the marriage intact and tbh to be cheating on your husband for that long??? How bad is that he doesn't deserve it either!
My family will disown me for a bit but am sure everything will be ok in the long run. I'm just really really scared to make the first move and get out of here. Iv tolerated him all my life and have been suppressed and criticised constantly by him as I'm morewesternised and he is more traditional. He's like a dad ??? I'm scared to be myself infront of him as he disapproves of everything I do. When he goes to work I feel relieved that he is out of the house as he works nights. When he comes back at 2/3am there have been so many nights I pretend I'm asleep so he doesn't ask for sex. But he wakes me up and literally just has sex with a lifeless body ...

But he wakes me up and literally just has sex with a lifeless body

That’s really disgusting, he wakes you up? Even tho, you work? I’d bloody kill him for that alone. Don’t let him, OP. I’m presuming he wouldn’t force it if you said no? Regardless, get out of this sham of a marriage.

Cherrysoup
He wouldn't force me but he would start throwing shit at me as how bad a mother I am how I don't care about anyone etc etc.. all lies but he starts argueing with me . So I just do it to shut him up and prevent it happening. He's horrible to the kids too when he hadn't had sex fr a week!