When you are less interested in a man, they are more interested

[KatvonC]

Do you think this is true for just the player more immature types, or is it true for the majority of men? My friend seems to think it is but not sure.

I had been on 3 dates with a guy. He texted me after the 3rd saying he liked me, I was a bit meh but thought whatever i'll go with it. I texted back some half assed reply saying that I did too, he was all over it and sent me a big paragraph back.

Then with time I started really liking him, I had strong feelings for him and he knew. Then he suddenly met someone else and chucked me like I were a chewing gum wrapper.

I have noticed it with other men too. I think when you give off a vibe of not caring, it makes you more attractive.

However, it seems exhausting to have to do this when you really like someone, and also a shame to have to pretend.

Do you think this applies to most people ? At what point do you stop having to 'hold back'?

Not for this man.

When I was single and determined to stay single, I noticed this too.

No idea if the men were generally players, as I didnt get too involved.

It’s definitely true. Aren’t human beings programmed to value scarcity, or something to that effect?

Definitely true. Now I'm nicely settled with someone, I've had several "blasts from my online dating past" randomly get in contact despite not being interested at the time

Men are hunters. They like the chase.

100% true for the majority of men.
My ex even told me that's how it worked for him. Once he'd 'won' me, it got boring.

I don’t think it’s sex-dependent. I and a lot of women I know, find it unattractive when someone, be it a romantic prospect or a potential friend, is all over us, as if there is little or nothing else going on in their lives. There are dozens of Mn threads regularly from people bemoaning their loneliness, but their account of their expectations from a friendship is suffocating.

Right so it seems to be the case for most men, i'm screwed then 😅 the thing is I know quite a few couples who got together really fast. Like official within the blink of an eye and moved in together after 2 months or something, so surely that wouldn't have happened if the female was playing hard to get ?
Also, at what point does it end ? Can you stop acting less interested once you become exclusive ?

I also think it can happen on both sides. Someone getting on with a busy life is attractive. If your partner seems totally desperate and grateful to be with you, you might even wonder why you are with someone who's evidently not in your league. And when someone acts like you are uninteresting, you want to prove that actually, you are interesting (e.g. suggesting dates, trying to get their attention).

Rather than playing games, the best thing is probably to have a busy life. That way you'll have more fun, incidentally appear more attractive and won't need to hold yourself back from texting them too often, as you'll be too busy to do it anyway!

Definitely. When I was younger, stupid, and with zero self esteem, every bloody bloke I met was full of the “can’t commit to a proper relationship” crap I used to suck it up and gratefully accept the crumbs they tossed me. But every time I womaned up, took them at their word and went on dates with someone else (as they were doing) it was tears and declarations of undying love, from every single one of them. In fact one of them is a friend of a friend and to this day bemoans how badly I treated him.

Zzzz19 Not all of us.

I think I need to keep busy and not accept any breadcrumbs from any men, and keep an I don't care mentality.

People take you at your own valuation of yourself. So when you aren't as into the bloke, you still put yourself first or equal to him, and so he has respect for you.

Some women, once they really like a man, go all out to try to please him and do nice things for him. They make all the compromises and put him first all the time. This teaches the man to put them second.

This can also be the case with 'nice guys'. But most men have a greater sense of self or are fairly entitled, and will maintain all their activities whatever their partner is doing. Look at how rare it is that it is the woman who is off all weekend doing her hobby and leaving the spouse with the kids.

So if you make sure that you are always your number one priority, and that you are listening to your true feelings and taking care of you first, however much you like the other person, then things may change for you.

If you do that, you'll find that you won't accept breadcrumbing anyway - no game-playing needed.

Pretty much. I think there’s a lot of truth in the adage “it will happen when you’re not looking”

Absolutely spot on for many men - probably it's the types who seduce women for the "conquest". Rejection makes the game more interesting. These are also the types most likely to ditch you immediately after sex - there are no more self-esteem points to get so why continue?

Hard to tell in advance sadly. V common on tinder of course!

I'm holding out for a good guy but willing to wait as long as it takes.

Its definitely not true for me. If someone doesnt make any effort neither will I.

Yes. I met my partner in online dating. I fell for him pretty quickly but as soon as I told him, he backed off. We were still together , but he made me work for every bit of affection. Fast forward 10 years and I've cooled down a lot. The L word is seldom spoken and he feels more like a friend to me now . He is now the one who makes all the running, ringing me 6 times when he can't get an answer, getting me romantic birthday and Christmas cards etc, I couldn't care less now!