Snooping Advice Please

[Dan3007]

Right guys,this is a bit long winded sorry but need advice coz I keep beating myself up about things and want reassurance that I'm not a total lunatic.
Met a guy online,he was open about everything,had a colourful past and told me all about it,even things I didnt want to know actually.He told me he had come off the site where we met.Id done the same.We were together for a few months. I've been lied to and cheated on in the past so had MAJOR trust issues and insecurities. During that time,I'd gone back onto the dating site just to check he had come off it like he said. He did so that put my mind at ease. Everything was fine,I was showing my friends his pic on fb and seen a girl had put a love emoji on his pic (this was 3 weeks after we started dating). I thought it a bit odd so looked on other pics. The same woman had liked or hearted every single photo. We arent friends on fb so this was public,put out for all the world to see. I also saw he had put a love emoji on 1 of her pics,after he started dating me.
I asked him about it and he claimed not to know who she was.i even said to him is she someone you met online?were you keeping your options open to see how we went?I actually hit the nail on the head but he denied it and just played dumb.i took this excuse and things were good. Fast forward to a few days ago,turns out this woman is a friend of a friend and they got talking via fb messenger & she sent me the conversation. He had spoken to her online the same time as me. I confronted him about this and he denied all knowledge.when I showed him the messages he hit the roof saying me and my friends have been snooping.
My issue is that he lied to me. Turns out he spoke to us at the same time. They had decided to stay friends and he carried on dating me. Even told me he thinks he'd fallen for me.2 days after hed fallen for me he messaged the girl saying he was thinking about her etc.she told him she was going on a date that evening and he got funny with her so she blocked him. Which makes me feel great,so if she had said she was thinking of him too would I of got dumped???
Anyway,he has said he doesnt wanna be in a relationship like this,he knows my friends will always be snooping!
Now,the issue i have isnt him.At the end of the day he lied and didnt even show remorse,and thistle night we argued he joined back on the dating site.my issue is am I in the wrong for nosing on his fb in the first place?If I hadn't then I would be oblivious to all this and still think he was a great bf,he spoiled me always texting nice messages etc.he told his 2 young Daughters about me (the day after the other woman blocked him). But then the other side of me says no,I had a hunch and was right about it.i didnt hack into his account or go through his phone,this is stuff on public fb for the world to see.
Am I an insecure headcase or justified in looking to protect myself????
I feel like I have ruined this relationship by looking for something but the other half of me says no,although you looked you were right coz you found him out in a lie.
Help!!!

If I was dating someone new, especially someone I'd met online, I'd definitely Facebook stalk them.

It's just the way things are now. If he doesn't want anyone to see it, it shouldn't be on the internet.

Why weren't you friends on Facebook?

You were right to look. He’s a twat. Move on.

Totally normal to have a look at someone's Facebook page. If he was that private that he didn't want people looking then he wouldn't be on there or would have everything set as private.
I wouldn't class that as snooping.

Did you contact her asking her to send you the conversation?

You did nothing wrong by having a look on his Facebook. He's a twat. Leave him.

He'll keep doing it so move on.
My ex was like that - found other dating sites on his phone that he 'wasn't using'. He was also contacting women on Facebook and Instagram which he knew he could do without me knowing as I don't have social media.
Basically he's keeping his options open but having you fill his time until he finds someone 'better'.
I wasted over a year on my ex and could never trust him. He was also trying to get back with an ex and sending her ridiculous messages about how he could never love anyone else blah blah blah.

Funnily enough it was MY fault I didn't trust him and I was a psycho for getting upset when I found out about the messages etc. I've a feeling the bloke you're seeing will be the same - it will always be your fault even though he's up to no good.

Looking at a public FB page isn't snooping! he sounds a bit dim as well as being a liar. Bullet dodged.

He's like a child, denying everything even when the evidence is right in front of him.

Want better for yourself.

You have not ruined the relationship.
You did what any normal person would do.
A bit of homework on someone you are seeing who you don't really know is absolutely what anyone should do!!!
You found out he's a liar and likes to keep his options open.
Well done on finding out so early on what a creep he is.
Now block, ignore, delete.

Don't ever doubt your own judgement!!!
And always have a look on SM and check out anyone who you don't know who you will be dating.
It's common sense!

You've dodged a bullet

If he wanted to keep his options open until he committed to you or another lady, he should have told you that

He lied and not very well - so he's a liar and a plonker

He's only angry because he got caught.

I met my now-DH and I did a but of fb snooping on him. And he did me

Let him go, he sounds like he is a prolific cheater. Even if he hasn't cheated he's attempted to by chasing this other woman. And jumping straight back onto OLD each time you have a row shows he has no real investment in the relationship with you.

It’s snooping. It’s not something I would do or want to do.
I believe falling for someone, love at first sight is a myth. It’s only natural early in a relationship to consider your other options and still chat with other men/women who you might consider relationshio material. I’m not saying open relationship or cheating, just chatting and friendship. This is normal even in a monogamous relationships early days.
So, I never saw the point of snooping and then making an issue of his female friends.,,even the ones I knew were trying to seduce him. (Observed at parties or outings)
I figured, if he loves me he will look and chat but always choose me when it comes to relationship/girlfriend. I only made it clear that to be with me, we must be monogamous when it comes to sex. Flirting, meh didn’t and don’t care.
But that’s me. You have to do what works for you. Just be clear with boyfriends what the deal breakers are. If it’s putting heart emojis on girls FB posts and messenging them, then make that clear up front.

An awful lot of people really do use these sites as entertainment and a way of easy dates, they get hooked and in many cases aren’t really looking for relationships as such. You had every right to look , everyone should

Thank you guys. I feel slightly better about it. I wasnt friends with him on fb because he was having trouble with his ex and I didnt want her to know I had met him,I wanted the dust to settle first before letting the world know (I suppose we could have just added each other and not said we were in a relationship but didnt think of that till just now).
My friend recognised the girl who is a friend of a friend. She asked about my bf & the girl in question said message me.so they had a little chat and then my friend sent me the conversation.
I think I have had a lucky escape,he has 3 children to 3 diffrent women (not judging that btw) but he cheated on the 2nd Mum with the 3rd Mum. His current ex is due her baby in April. Told you it was a colourful past. However,I've seen that he was "sexting" her friend when they first got together. If he is gonna cheat on the mother of his children j suppose I dont stand a chance

That’s not colourful. That’s just low - tedious, grey betraying from a bog standard wanker.

As a PP said, want better for yourself.

Thankyou everyone,I appreciate all the comments so much and thanks for the advice. Feel so much better. I was actually so upset thinking I'd ruined a good relationship because I was so insecure. (Because of men like him)! Yes,i "snooped" on an open social media account. And by total coincidence a friend ended up speaking to the other woman. I think I've dodged a bullet. Thanks again guys. Glad I got it off my chest & thanks for the reassurance.x

When someone tells you that they’ve cheated before it doesn’t mean they’ve changed and are honest and loyal now. They are often doing that to manipulate you.
Next time someone tells you they’ve got a colourful past take that as a massive red flag.
You don’t need the stress of being the next hue in their rainbow of poo.

And please look at your boundaries for future relationships.
This guy is so obviously a dud and you went out with him anyway.
Please raise your bar and don't even give men like this a second glance!!!
Want the best for YOU.

I think subconsciously I was just settling. I thought well I dont want a serious relationship,just someone to date so his past didnt really affect me. Then he was treating me so nice,really spoiling me,I've never had that before and think I just saw what I wanted to see. Hes clearly a player and a good one at that. He played the game & I fell for it. Nosed on his fb,first coz I'm just nosey & 2nd because I'd been hurt in the past.And I have a little girl so before even thinking about telling her anything I'd want to be 99% sure we were gonna be long term. Feel sorry for his 2 kids (7 &9) who he told about me.

Spoiling you early on is called lovebombing.
It’s a bad sign.

Stay well away, he sounds awful and completely irresponsible.

His poor children.