Can you truly be friends with someone you slept with?

[Bumblingbeeswax]

I have a friend that i don't see very often, we used to be FWB but we basically ended up meeting other people the same year. We are part of a close group of friends that have eventually moved further away from eachother and so makes it harder to see everyone as regular as before.

Anyway we are both now married and have been with our DH/DW for 10 years now.

I really do care about my ex FWB but he was always out partying and meeting new women etc and i never really expected much out of it, it was a bit perplexing for me at the time as he was very good looking and was actively persuing me. always taking me out, spending hundreds in one night, travelling hours sometimes to come to see me when he was living away for work, but we never ever talked about relationships

So fast forward to the last 10 years and we've been out together in an extended group a handful of times. Each time he tells random strangers that i am his girlfriend, holds my hand and asks me to sleep with him.

I've never cheated on anyone, he met his DW before i met my DH and the FWB relationship ended as soon as i found out he had met someone new. I cracked on with a couple more potentials before settling down about 6 months later with my now DH.

The latest meet up (tonight) was no different. He dropped me in a taxi to my door and nearly got out but i told him to go back to his hotel. Every couple of years i hope that we can get over this awkward we used to fuck thing and be the good friends we actually are

Possible?

Thanks for all your replies. I don't see him often (5 times in 10 years) and when we do it's in a group setting. I honestly thought this time would be different as everyone said he had changed and was settling down with DW. We met when we were very young, but i had no illusion as to what he was. I was hoping that he'd realise it's not worth wrecking his life over. I was pretty drunk when i wrote that yesterday after crawling in, and probably didn't explain it very well. I am probably just being niaive and wishing it would change.

I can understand why you wish it would change. Sounds like you had a lot of fun with him, and it was a good time in your life. If you were proper friends with him, you could reminisce with him about those good times. BUT... you can't. He isnt being a friend, hes being sleazy.

I am friends with most of my exes (not my exH though). We dont spend loads of time together or go out drinking, but we chat occasionally, and see each other at various events. We dont paw each other or try to get each other into bed.

Well, think of it this way - if your dh was out and telling people an exfwb was his girlfriend and trying to shag her, how much of a "friendship" would you call it?

He's not a friend.

I feel sorry for his dw. He’s clearly cheating on her, even if not with you.

What does your husband think?

Sounds like you are not ‘good friends’...sounds like he is charming and would like to carry on sleeping with you. Full stop.

Next time in this group outing go along with your husband...

This guy sounds like a huge loser.

Yes you can be platonic acquaintances with someone you've been sexual with in the past, but this man sounds like he spends his life disrespecting women to get his willy wet.

Please just bin him.

Why are you allowing this? You. Are. Married! Does your husband know? Do you think he'd appreciate this? Just the fact you're allowing it is down right disrespectful to your husband.

"Each time he tells random strangers that i am his girlfriend, holds my hand and asks me to sleep with him."

this is not true.

Bin him.

There is absolutely no way, I would allow an ex fuck buddy to go round telling people he is my boyfriend and then trying to hit on me.

No way would I still be expecting him to be different on the 5th occasion.

It's so disrespectful to my dp, to allow that.

I’d be hugely pissed odd with someone claiming to be my boyfriend when I’m married to someone else. The whole thing is really odd anyway... if you only see him on average once every couple of years, it’s not like he’s a close friend is it? And he’s certainly not behaving like a friend.

Sounds like you’re harking back to a time you remember as being a fun part of your life and somehow wanting to resurrect that. You need to move on. He’s not a friend, he sounds like a sex pest who has no respect for the fact you’re married

the good friends we actually are

You're not good friends - he's a pest and you love the attention.

You could have, and should have, shut this down the first time he pulled the "I want to sleep with you" stunt after either of you got married to other people, but you love the drama and the feeling that, despite him being married, you're "the one".