I have been dealing with my now XH for a year. He was a controlling bully and I am well rid.
He hasn't altered one bit. Sends ranting emails which go straight to my bin so I can read them when I choose to rather than having him disrupt my working day thought process. He is blocked on msg, phone and no longer has my home phone number.
DC (teen) doesn't want to see him often. I encourage contact, ask if they have been in touch most days saying things like 'have you been in touch with Dad, answer usually no. 'why don't you send him a 'good morning msg I am sure he would love to hear from you'.
They do not want to stay with him overnight and travel a few miles on the bus when visiting. Visits are once every three weeks on average with a couple of holidays here and there.
XH frequently shows who he is by being bitter and angry towards DC who says 'he was horrible mum, did that thing where he stopped walking and was loud in the street to get his point across', it was embarrassing. Yesterday he made a scene, grabbed DC's bag because they were walking away from his confrontation and then threw it on the floor (in the street).
He is full of vitriol towards me and sends me angry emails, says I need to tell DC the truth about our marriage. My response is that they know that I asked him to leave for a trial separation and that our marriage is now over, that I am an adult and DC a child and I think that they know enough. DC has witnessed too much as far as I am concerned, including him making them read emails between us.
His idea of a trial separation was to agree to leave for six months, join various dating sites, rent an unfurnished house and completely furnish it and refuse to speak to me or meet me at all – very quickly telling me the marriage is dead and he feels nothing for me. I filed for divorce within two months of him leaving.
This man cannot accept blame for anything, never has done. His take on DC not wanting to see him is that I am filling them with lies and I am destroying his relationship with them. He is doing that for himself, every time he sees DC, with his bitter behaviour.
I don’t talk about him really, often say things like he will always be your dad and he loves you/would love to hear from you/see you.
He wanted to introduce his girlfriend a couple of weeks into their relationship which DC found terrifying, wasn’t ready to hear he had one let alone meet them. That relationship ended and now he has another one. DC frets everytime they meet him ‘what if he brings his current girlfriend mum, I don’t want to meet her’.
I saw my GP a couple of times recently who was fantastic, she referred me to a domestic abuse charity to see if they had any ideas how to help me get through XH’s demands to have DC live with him (because his girlfriend of a couple of weeks had a few kids the same age and he wanted to create a big happy family). That threat disappeared when she dumped him. I haven’t managed to find the 60 minutes I need at home alone to go through the initial phone call with the charity but I will do that this week.
After seeing DC yesterday he is sending ranting emails, just like the ones he sent me during our marriage.
My GP and counsellor say that DC can make up their own mind about whether they see him.
He says I am destroying his relationship with DC by not telling them how our marriage broke down, which was all my fault (because I stood up to him), we limped along for the last three years.
He was a controlling bully with DC too at times. His behaviour was always extreme – he could be absolutely charming, or not.
I am just finding him really wearing. His continued twisting and turning words and demands with DC just don’t go away and of course he is their dad, he isn’t going to go away.
We are so not on the same page where DC is concerned - why the heck would you tell your child the ins and outs of the demise of your marriage - of course he doesn't want me to tell them how he was physical (once) but often used his physical presence to intimidate me (well he tried), only that I asked him to leave after years of being unhappy.
I would love DC to have a 'normal' every other weekend set up but that isn't going to happen here is it.
I am just not sure how to deal with him sometimes.