Friends disappearing when I need support

[LadyLightning]

I have always tried to be a good friend, make sure I reach out to people and support them, especially when they are having a hard time. People tell me they appreciate my humour and that I am fun to be with. The last few years have been quite difficult, lots of disruptions and the last few months are particularly hard as my DM is very ill. I am really disappointed at how many people have gone really quiet and absent now I am really needing support. I dont go on and on about stuff, and would never have a conversation with a friend which is only about me - so wtf? It would make so much difference to just know they are thinking about me enough to drop me a quick text or email.

Have you specifically asked specific friends for support? Have you said what form you would like the support to take?

Sorry to hear about your mum.

What sort of support are you looking for from your friends? People tend to assume that family will take up the slack at these times.

People might also be giving you space and time as they know you’re busy with your mum.
Perhaps try reaching out to them? If they then make it clear they’re not interested you can sack them off as friends and know with 100% certainty

Do your friends make any effort? Do they know you’re struggling. I felt the same when my mum got ill, when I told my friends how low/scared/worried I felt they made more effort. People often think you need space in these situations so reach out.

Someone said to me - as I started with something hard- that I would find out who my friends are. That she had been so surprised by how shit most were when it happened in her family.

She was right. Friends I thought would call and text didn’t and also didn’t acknowledge this either. On the other hand some other people were great - I made new friends who have been brilliant.

I have been a bit grrr but actually they are still friends and in a different crisis at a different moment may do better. Am sure I will have surprised someone by being shitter than they thought . I think when you are resourceful and sensible people are very happy to have you carry on in that role ..

I found out exactly who my friends were when I had cancer..I wasn't surprised and actually it made the clear out very easy!

Sorry about your mum, its hard when a parent is ill.

I unfortunately found out my true friends when my dd died. One in particular, who I would have called a good friend gave a story to a reporter at the local paper. I was devastated she done that to me and also my dd's memory. The friendship ended soon after. I actually missed her for a long time but I couldn't forget what she done.
I also had friends ignore me in the street. I do understand sometimes people dont know what to say. It doesn't take much to send a message.

Hope your friends can give you some support @LadyLightning
Maybe send a text to let them you you are struggling.

Really, just a quick phone call, text or message every now and then that I dont have to initiate. Be nice to know someone is thinking about you.

I have told them - I get that it has been going on for a few months, but it seems like the longer it goes on the more they check out. I feel like some days it takes all my energy to get up out of bed, let along reach out. and I am starting to feel tht they only want to be in contact when it is easy and fun.

@ParkheadParadise, i am so sorry that happened to you. I guess this sorts the friends from the casual acquaintances. Thanks for replying.