Hi! Sorry in advance for the long rant that’s coming..
So September 2018 when my daughter was 4 months old me and her dad split, he did absolutely nothing for dd so I gave him the ultimatum of step up or leave,
he refused to change, I packed his bags and kicked him out
Up until feb 2019 we had a great co parenting relationship despite what had happened,
and then he got in a relationship with his younger sisters best friend for the entire year (2019) I’ve had nothing but abuse from his partner who I deem as toxic, she’s caused bruises to my dd face (all been reported , nothing came of it but social services got involved did a review to check dd came to my home and closed the case instantly! they spoke to her nursery who said she’s always on time, clean, happy and ahead in her development they then came to meet dd and told me I was doing an amazing job!!)
my ex and this girl have broken up countless times over this year and keep getting back together because his sister keeps apparently forcing him to be with her friend..
He pays no maintenance, we’ve been to court for a liability order with csa and he still won’t pay,
He never makes effort to see dd
Just goes out every weekend with this girl he’s on and off with.
So they split up in September (2019) for the 283742 time this year she told him she didn’t want him around me or dd, gave me tons of abuse, said nasty things about my daughter, wrote horrible stuff about me on social media, even got to the point of stalking me also She followed me to a gym I’m a member of and became a member to try an get a reaction from me this failed massively as I stayed well clear she then pretended I had an altercation with her in the gym and apparently I then followed her home, she reported it to the police who obvs obtained gym cctv (she obviously didn’t think of that!!) and saw nothing happened as she described and saw the time of me leaving well before it shows her exiting the gym.
honestly it’s been mental and now December (2019) they are back together because he didn’t see dd on Xmas day.. bare in mind he never asked or arranged anything when I’d asked him previously.
I’m at my whits end with this back and forth
It’s like he does it to p*ss me off! But I’ve told him to be with someone who encourages coparenting who doesn’t cause a year of absolute drama but Depending on if he’s with her or not depends on the reaction I get.
My dd is now 20 months, she’s happy and stable with me I’m a single working mum and I’m sick of me and dd being abused by my ex’s partner if you can call her that and when my ex is back with her he’s a nightmare to me aswell really abusive threatens to take dd and never bring her back, he took me to court .. well tried to take me to court to take my dd from me so his partner could be a mum to my child.
And when she’s not in the picture he’s a different bloke, he’s great with dd, he’s really in the moment with my daughter and it’s good to see because my daughter absolutely adores her dad!
And this is what’s so hard!!
I don’t want to refuse visitation but he’s on a path that I don’t want my daughter to go down!
He’s told me many of times he only gets with this girl because his head is a mess, him and her can’t provide a stable environment for dd and I’ve told him their relationship is toxic, it’s not healthy for anyone to be back and forth picking up and dropping someone and expecting a child to be in the middle of all the arguments and drama that’s going on!
Am I a bad person for wanting to limit/refuse visitation because I don’t want dd around a toxic relationship and in an unstable environment!
He’s threatened me with court yet again over custody and visitation and I know a court will grant him something but surely the can understand my side, I mean I’ve an entire years worth of proof! But this also brings me to my next thing.. this has all come at the worse time possible because an opportunity for a job transfer has come up in Australia, I want to go for it and give my child the best possible life I can but I know my ex won’t willingly let dd go and we’d end up in court anyway!
This is an opportunity of a lifetime for both me and dd, chance of a fresh start, better opportunities, a chance for me to finally breathe after the drama and be the best mum I can be and have a life where I’m not stuck in a 9-5 and have the chance to spend time with my daughter :/
Sorry for how long this is
Any advice on any of it is more than welcome!
Thank you!!