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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Football rage?

25 replies

Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 19:14

Who was wrong here. Do or me? Just got home after a long drive with kids. I drive.. I'm feeling pretty poorly with tail end of flu and aching knees and muscles. I sat down with a cup of tea. DS 8 brought his foot ball in the house and started kicking it energetically around the kitchen. It hit me once in the back. I said, it's a big house, I'm having a rest, play else where. Second time it tapped my leg but because of the twinges it felt really irritating and painful. Again I warned him not to hit me with the ball again. It hit my ankle a third time and I saw red. I grabbed the ball, got a blunt knife out of the cutlery draw and threatened to stab it if hit me again (not at all ideal, I know). Dp bellowed at me to let him express himself and for me to get straight to bed if I felt that ill. Dp was quite scary as I probably was to DS Sad. Who was wrong? Surely ds should respect personal space and hitting your mother repeatedly with a football in the house however 'gently' shows a lack of respect and boundaries?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 19:15

Do should read 'dp'. Typing on the phone!

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Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 19:38

Anyone?

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JacquesHammer · 30/12/2019 19:41

Yeah it was irritating but he’s a kid. You majorly over-reacted and owe him an apology.

DH could have expressed it better but I’m with the sentiment.

Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 19:42

Yes I did apologise and I feel really has. Sad

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Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 19:43

Feel bad... My typing tonight not good Sad

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Justmuddlingalong · 30/12/2019 19:47

Blunt knife or not, threatening to stab anything in a fit of temper is horrendous behaviour. I agree with DP, if you're that unwell and tetchy, get yourself off to bed until you're less irritable.

ohwheniknow · 30/12/2019 19:47

That sounds bloody terrifying. You were totally out of order.

I don't think anyone should be playing with footballs indoors (I don't see how it's "expressing oneself" to kick footballs indoors, at people) but that doesn't even come close to justifying your reaction.

If I found my partner brandishing a kitchen knife at my eight year old child I imagine fear would result in me bellowing too.

exexpat · 30/12/2019 19:49

I do not think any 8-year-old needs to 'express himself' by repeatedly hitting his mother with a football inside the house when he has twice been asked not to, so tbh I think your reaction was fair enough.

Your DS is 8, which is old enough to understand consequences. He had been warned twice. You only threatened to stab the ball, you did not actually do it. It may have been a slight over-reaction but your DP should have backed you up (or at least been sympathetic to you).

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/12/2019 19:51

Go to bed and get some rest tonight.

Tomorrow, apologise to DS for scaring him, and explain that when people are poorly we need to be quiet and calm to help them feel better. (Dependent on age obvs.)

I'm sorry you're feeling so crap and I hope you feel better tomorrow.

exexpat · 30/12/2019 19:52

"If I found my partner brandishing a kitchen knife at my eight year old" - where does it say the OP was brandishing the (blunt) knife at her son? It was the football she was threatening, not the child.

Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 19:54

@ohwheniknow just to clarify I pointed it at the ball, not my son. It was a blunt table knife not that it makes it any better. I know it was a horrible reaction on my part and dp was being protective. I just felt tired ill and vulnerable and just wanted 5 mins to sit on the sofa and recover from the journey with a cup of tea. I guess I'm a shit mum and they'll remember it for life.

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JacquesHammer · 30/12/2019 19:59

I guess I'm a shit mum and they'll remember it for life

Or course you’re not. But it’s worth looking at why you saw red, and if you feel unwell again simply remove yourself and rest.

conduitoffortune · 30/12/2019 20:00

If my DS kicked a ball in the house at all he would be told off and also told to go in the garden with it.

Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 20:01

Or course you’re not. But it’s worth looking at why you saw red, and if you feel unwell again simply remove yourself and rest.

I do feel on the edge somewhat lately. I don't know what is wrong with me 😭

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Namenic · 30/12/2019 20:02

I’m sure your kid will get over it. You know you over reacted and apologised. Next time maybe just remove the ball after 1 warning. Stops the temptation to do more damage. Lucky nothing got broken with the kicking

Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 20:03

@conduitoffortune that was my line of thinking though it was dark outside.

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SlightlyStaleCocoPops · 30/12/2019 20:03

Why is he playing football inside to begin with??

Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 30/12/2019 20:04

@Namenic thanks. Nothing got broken except the family peace...😬

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EKGEMS · 30/12/2019 20:39

"Kids need to express themselves" by hitting their poor and ill mother? Your husband is an idiot and should've put an end to it

funnylittlefloozie · 30/12/2019 20:46

You dont kick footballs in the house, end of. Your DS was deliberately being a brat, and i would have stabbed his stupid football as well (or opened the back door and lobbed it as far down the garden as i could). I'm very unimpressed with your DP for backing up a bratty 8 year old against his mother.

I do feel on the edge somewhat lately. I don't know what is wrong with me

Its probably because all the people you live with are tossers of various levels.

Dontunderestimateme · 30/12/2019 20:52

All 3 of you were wrong. DS should not have been repeatedly hitting you with the football, you shouldn't have threatened to stab the ball, and DP shouldn't have backed up your DS when he was being inconsiderate. But hey, no one is perfect, you all had a bad day. We have a foam football for in the house, which would at least deal with one aspect of it. Still drives me mad though.

ErickBroch · 30/12/2019 20:56

Your husband shouted and I understand why - it was probably quite shocking! Just apologise to your son and explain why it was wrong and move on.

Tothinkheisabitofa · 30/12/2019 21:45

I would have exploded too if I were you but he should not have played with that ball in the house at the first place.agree with the rest that getting the knife out is a bit over the top.
Don't feel too bad tho I'm sure it hasn't emotionally damaged ds.
I have before lost it with the foam footballs at home and threw it in the bin full of leftover dinner so wasn no way of getting it out!

lottiegarbanzo · 30/12/2019 21:56

Who on earth thinks it's ok to kick a football around indoors? Especially near other people? That's idiotic behaviour.

You snapped. That happens. It does sound scary for your DS and you should explain and apologise to your DS tomorrow. But, a big part of this was his failure to follow a direct instruction to stop.

Your DP's 'express himself' comment' is pure idiocy. Is your DP somehow 'boss of the hosuehold'? How come he gets to decide that stupid behaviour is ok and undermine your reasonable request to stop (the first two times), when - it plainly isn't ok and, respecting your instructions is a basic essential. It sounds like your DP's lack of respect for you is rubbing off on your son.

Original poster
Whowaswronghere2 · 31/12/2019 08:14

It did feel like a lack of respect all round. I think that is why I snapped!

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