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Original poster

A difficult situation

15 replies

Mark94 · 30/12/2019 17:17

Hello all. A girl and me have been getting to know each other for the past couple of months and everything has been going amazingly between us; we’ve both said we’re excited for our future together. She let me know about a month in that her mum has stage 4 cancer which I assured her did not pressure me at all and that I would be there for her. Her mum died a couple of weeks ago and she was devastated and I was with her then and for the week after. She suddenly stopped talking to me and then she said she feels she needs to take a step back from us because she isn't ready for anything serious and her head’s all over the place. I completely understand that I am not the priority at the moment.
However, I have learned that she is messaging another guy and I’m feeling very insecure which is probably stupid because she’s going through the most traumatic thing a person can go through. I am giving her the space she has asked for, but I’m just hoping we can still be together in the future and that this other guy is hopefully nothing to worry about.
What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mark94 · 30/12/2019 17:18

Any advice will be really appreciated

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2019 17:18

I’d walk away.

Original poster
Mark94 · 30/12/2019 17:21

Why would you recommend doing that?

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 30/12/2019 17:27

You sound like a nice guy. She can't think much of you if she is messaging another guy though. How do you know this, is it reliable and how do you know if it's someone she fancies as opposed to a friend or family member?

Original poster
Mark94 · 30/12/2019 17:38

We were on a night out with friends and she was being very cold with me. I saw her texting a lot but didn’t think much of it but someone saw who it was and it’s some guy. The friend did some digging online and found she’s hung out with before, the thing is that he lives an hour and half away from us?

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 30/12/2019 17:48

Too much drama. You've only been seeing her a couple of months. Just drop her, although do it gently as she's been through quite a lot recently. But it doesn't matter who she's messaging or how whoever knows or found out or any of that.

It's not working for you any more. Move on.

Groovinpeanut · 30/12/2019 18:34

For a relationship that is very much in its infancy there's an awful lot to take on board in all this.
You mention her being cold towards you, but texting another guy. This early on do you think that is a healthy approach to a new relationship.
With regards to the passing of her mum she's going to need time. You've offered, and given support, it seems she still has no desire for you to be around.
This is going to be a difficult time for her in many ways. If you were a couple with time under your belts, staying in the wings to support would make sense. This early on there is no place for you as it were.
If I were you, I'd just get on with your life and move on. If she does pick up with this other guy she was texting, well that really shows she wasn't really into you.
It's tough when these situations come about. You've done what you can. You can do no more. All the best xx

sonjadog · 30/12/2019 18:46

She has been cold to you and is texting another guy. These are both clear signs that she is not that into you. Walk away.

rvby · 30/12/2019 19:27

@Mark94 shes just not that into you. Definitely forget about her and move on.

There is nothing here for you, it's no one's fault but thems the breaks.

RLEOM · 30/12/2019 19:59

Her head is going to be a mess! She's going to be confused, withdrawn, tearful - a wreck. I would still be supportive but back away.

Original poster
Mark94 · 30/12/2019 20:05

She said to be a few days before though that she’s very happy about the whole situation (relationship) and that I’m completely wonderful. I hadn’t initiated that message? I do feel that the connection we’ve got is genuine but I think her mum’s death has understandably had an effect on her. I’m just hoping it works out in the end and that her ‘taking a step back’ is just that.
I was wondering whether to message her in Christmas and she sent me a lovely message before I did

OP posts:
crestar · 30/12/2019 23:36

I'm really sorry for you and you don't want to hear this advice because you obviously like her a lot.

But you need to walk away and move on for your own sake. The sooner you cut contact, the quicker you will get over her.

rvby · 30/12/2019 23:52

She said to be a few days before though that she’s very happy about the whole situation (relationship) and that I’m completely wonderful

Oh honey. No no no. You need to wise up or your going to get so so hurt.

Text messages and heart to hearts are very easy to come up with OP. Talk is very cheap. The cheapest thing of all.

She ignored you on a night out, has put distance between you and is texting other guys. You need to take the hint. At best she is trying to keep you interested so that you will stay around to boost her ego or cheer her up when shes down about her mum. She is not into you.

No one who is into someone asks for distance, and then takes the distance. They just don't. Sorry.

ChristmasFluff · 31/12/2019 07:40

Please listen to @rvby, especially the part 'no one who is into someone asks for distance and then takes the distance. They just don't'

This one piece of advice could solve so much of the angst of lots of relationships.

It's shit, and it hurts, but this isn't going anywhere. Don't let her play you for a fool. Grief doesn't excuse that.

Hepsibar · 31/12/2019 08:31

Sad to say this would have happened whether or not her mum died.

She used you as a crutch during this period. She is prob the sort of person to go thru life making use of people.

I would suggest just gently pulling away and DONT go back if this other guy dumps her.

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