Am I being really stupid to give this a chance?

[Eustacecraig]

Met a man in a pub a couple of weeks ago through a mutual acquaintance. Spent the rest of the evening talking and got on well. He is separated from his wife, they have different houses, but remain amicable. He said nothing negative about her at all. They have two children, 9 & 5, and the eldest has quite severe needs. He lives around the corner from me. I enjoyed talking to him and we went home, separately, without exchanging numbers or anything.

Through coincidence I bumped into him a week later in a different pub in a different area. He said hello, then a while later said bye. I said he was welcome to join me & my friends for a drink since his were leaving, so he did. He had no plans for Christmas Eve because his children were visiting his wife's family abroad, so I mentioned that I was going to our local with my friends if he wanted to come. We exchanged numbers and he did turn up.

He's been texting me since. I do quite like him, but am I mad to be considering anything considering the complexities of him only being separated and not divorced, and having young kids?

Divorce not started yet here but separated a Year come jan 1 and I'd be appalled if my bf had decided I was too risky as I was "still married". It's a bit of paper but we couldn't be more separate. I'm sorry you had a bad experience last time, there is an element of risk but that's where trust comes in, I suppose.

Op my ex dp did the same actually barely mentioned her for the first 6 months, they seemed to get alone really well even went to school events together with gps, separated for a few years she had a new partner everything was great then boom I was mentioned contact stopped between him and his dc.
I thought she must be horrible ( she keep texting me and calling even though she was blocked) after a year and a court case I realised that his wasn't telling me the whole truth and he was very much to blame for her hate towards him.
How she acted towards me was extremely unfair as I stayed out of it and didn't see the dc at all, but from her point she went in to panic mode thinking he was going back to neglecting his dc.

I don't think your situation is like that at all, but what I'm saying is it's hard to know what your walking into and it's even worse when recently separated and dc are involved.

A lot of trouble doesn't happen until 6 months post separation.

You never know really... I met a guy who told me he had separated a year before, later I learned he had lied as it was only six months. He had his own house, they applied for divorce a month later and 4 months later the divorce through, no problems.

I met DP one week before his divorce came through. His wife had been the one who left, their house was already sold and both of them had bought new houses already.

She didn’t have any qualms at cancelling contact at pleasure, things like “oh, DS is busy playing in the Xbox and doesn’t want to go, she is tired after the weekend, I have bought tickets for the cinema, sorry and so on.

Six months later she realised I may be in the scene... she sent a barrage of texts demanding him to confess there was an OW, was down from work with stress for a week. Contact is never cancelled these days, she books the kids in as many sport events as she can even hours away to ensure there is no time for our plans and never ever tell him when he is going to have them on the holidays until is too late to get things booked.

She is a nightmare, but... the truth is that, he has a house, I don’t need to see his kids, so I got alternate weekends on my own which I really appreciate.

If you just wanted some company and a
Doing well great
But if you want ‘something’ well there
Is a lot of baggage here . Huge amounts
Like terminal 5 baggage hall

Just look after your heart , and look
For red flags 🚩

@JKScot4
Yes actually I do think he’s still married, because he is.
The op asked a question and my opinion is different from yours.

No you don't need to view them as step kids yet or even meet them yet. But considering he has them, you have to view them as a package deal as if you want this to be serious, they will become part of the relationship at some point. You can't just ignore them forever.

If you want to see him casually and know you will break up before it's serious, go ahead. No need to consider the kids then really. But if you want a long term relationship, they are part of it. Look long term not short term on what will have to happen at some point.