Anyone else feel like this all the time ? Anxiety

[KatvonC]

People seem to generally like me but still, I worry. I always feel slightly on edge and irritable.
I know it doesn't matter one bit if some people don't like me but I worry that people find me annoying or boring.
I had an abusive relationship for 3 years where an ex told me almost daily that I wasn't interesting, I was boring, no passions and people didn't want to know me, and now I have a complex I suppose.

I only have 2 remaining male friends and one of them is gay. This is because they used me as some kind of ego boost and made inappropriate sexual comments.

I worry that people including my family think i'm weird and with issues, and that people try to modify their behaviour around me.

When I walk through the town centre (small town) I worry that people I went to school with will see me and laugh at me and judge me or laugh at me for going into Poundland and such.

Sometimes I post stuff on social media like jokes, funny things that have happened, then I delete them if I don't get many likes as I don't want people to think i'm strange.
Same if I put up pictures of myself, they probably think, "She loves herself."

Does this sound like anxiety ? I don't know how to stop being like this but it's stressful to live with and I just want to feel more relaxed and positive.

I have this female friend and she's made me feel like i'm a nasty person. She keeps saying "you're harsh". Someone was harassing her on messenger, sending her 20 messages a minute. She had never met this guy, I told her to just block him.
She told me I was 'really harsh', but I think the block button is there for a reason if you are being harassed by a stranger.
She's been writing very short replies and not getting in contact anymore unless I do first. She says loads of 'harsh' stuff and I feel like she's very quick to attack but cannot take it herself.

Low esteem I would say. I feel the same way and having anxiety even to get out of the house now. Abusive ex and really recent.
But I think we need to find the strength in ourselves and not let other people dictate our lifes. I will try to get out for a walk today. I suppose to go to council but I cannot. I feel I simply cannot do that.
And I have been the same for years about what people think etc. End of the day all it matters what we think of ourselves.
And your friend is rubbish.

This is what I try to read every day to give me strength ❤️

Thank you very much, I will keep reading the quote. I hope that things get better for you too :)

I was badly bullied at high school and then followed by some traumatic relationships. I have quite bad anxiety now especially when it involves people. I can’t understand why anyone would like me, worry about what I have said offending someone and always on the look out for signs that my boyfriend will leave me. It’s awful. I have started therapy and I have explained my feelings to my boyfriend so he reassures me a lot which is helping. To go through something traumatic as you have these feelings are normal and I would try and get some help and support.

oh OP bless you. Have you seen your GP? I would if not, and explain to them how you are feeling, you can be referred for talking therapy or CBT to try and alter the negative thought patterns you're stuck in.

Abusive relationships are so hard to move on from and sometimes we need help in order to do so. It sounds as if you are hypervigilant about expecting to be made fun of or criticised so are in overdrive trying not to 'expose' yourself. There is nothing wrong with you OP, your ex was a dickhead who was most likely trying to make you feel bad because he felt bad about himself and needed someone to take it out on, you could have been anyone and he would presumably have said the same rubbish.

I do recommend chatting with your GP, perhaps borrow some books on self esteem or anxiety from the library, steer clear of people that are making you feel bad and be kind to yourself OP, you deserve kindness.